Happy-nings at the Haggerton House

New Blog

2009-09-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

http://www.drcindyblog.com

My blog is moving thanks to the wonderful talents of Daniel D! God has blessed us with such talented friends, thanks Dessingers for all your time, effort and help with the new blog. I love it! Hope I do it justice and that everyone enjoys taking a peak into our lives.

Sweet Post!

2009-08-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

I think you should take the time to check out my friend and colleague, Sarah Jones', blog. She does such a great job with articles and current research. And, her site looks so professional... In fact, my lil' ole blog is very jealous these days... We're about to change that lil' situation soon : ) Thanks, Sarah, for being so sweet and posting about us. We love you, keep up the good work!

Not Me! Monday

2009-08-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

I know everyone else is joining MckMama in a "Not My Child! Monday", but I figured since every story I have to "not" tell on my child this week is my fault, I better stick w/ the Not Me! Monday...

I most certainly do not have a precious 10 month old son now because if that was the case, that would mean I have neglected my poor lil' blog for over a month... Surely not, Not Me!

And, I most certainly did not take that 10 month old to a wedding this past Saturday because my parents were going and JB was out of town so there were no sitters available. I would not wake my son up from his nap to go to a wedding, nope, Not Me! And, even if I was dumb enough to do so, I wouldn't sit towards the front and look at him with pride because he had fallen back asleep right before the ceremony started. And the bride will not forever be stuck with the memory of my precious child, on video forever, screaming to the top of his lungs because he suddenly woke up and decided he wanted to nurse as the pastor (same one who did my wedding!) tried to start her ceremony. I was not that mother at the wedding, Not Me!

To boot, my child- at only a few weeks old- did not have his first diaper accident on the mother of the above mentioned bride when we took him to his first baby shower, nope, Not Mine! Wow, do we owe this family...

Sunday, after the wedding when I asked mom if she was embarrassed by Harper's behavior, my own son's grandmother definitely did not reply, "Yes, mortified, let's not talk about it, try to forget!" We wouldn't be that embarrassed, nope, Not Us!

I did not agree to work every afternoon this week while JB is out of town. And, even if I had agreed to do so, I wouldn't have spent the whole afternoon w/ wonderful patients missing my precious little boy, wondering how working moms do it everyday. Nope, Not Me!

Finally, this will make you glad I went to work today and left someone else in charge of Harper... I did not win the "Worst Mom of the Year" award this past weekend by loosing Harper, nope, Not Me! I mean, I know he is fast and can go places quickly and get into anything he wants to these days. So, I would never let him out of my site, nope, Not Me! And, I certainly didn't find him in the garage (on his way out) when I had left him in the living room to play while I grabbed some clothes from my room. I wouldn't have an infant in a house with the door and the garage door open because our AC was out, Not Me! Surely I would watch him closely if I was doing something so dumb. I wouldn't turn to my mom in a panic when I saw no sign of him in the living room and ask, "Where is Harper?!" And, when we frantically went searching to find him in the garage eating insulation, probably on his way to the road, mom wouldn't reply, "Do not tell JB about this, you'll never hear the end of it!" And, I most certainly wouldn't blog about it. Nope, Not Me!

Happy Monday, hop on over to MckMama's blog and join the fun!

Not Me! Monday

2009-07-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

My itty bitty baby, who was just born yesterday, is not nine months old today, nope, not my child!

He does not snort and cough at me everytime I walk by, letting me know that his throat is just a little parched and he would like to nurse now, nope, not my child!

And, he certainly doesn't yell at me and smack the table with his hands in public restaurants if I don't feed him food or ice fast enough, nope, not my child!

When I sit him in front of the window in our living room and walk away, I don't come back in everytime to find him standing (pulled up on the window seal) yelling and frustrated at our fat basset hounds for not running around and entertaining him, nope, not my child!

We didn't have two people mistake him for a girl this past week. And, one lady did not carry on a ten minute conversation with me about how he was the perfect little girlfriend for her little boy. And, I did not avoid correcting the lady to tell her he was a boy and wasn't going to be anybody's girlfriend! Nope, not my child! I was praying to avoid embarrassing her, and hoping very badly JB wouldn't walk over and interrupt our conversation asking me to "hand him to him" or if he could "take him" or to tell Harper, "Hey buddy!"

He wasn't perfect and sleeping for 4-5 hour stretches at a time the other night when he joined me at a birth (JB, mom, dad and ALL baby-sitters were out of town at the same time!), only to wake up while the mom was pushing, deciding he needed to eat right then. Nope, not my child!
*Big thanks to Aunt Marcy for walking with me!

While adjusting a client today on a home visit, I did not have a colleague drive my car around outside the client's house to keep my napping child asleep. And, when he awoke, my colleague and I most certainly did not keep my child entertained and semi happy at the client's house by giving him paper to eat, nope, not my child!

And, on this photo shoot, he did not almost eat a dead worm. Nope, not my child!, who has so much to teach me about the adventures of raising boys (oh joy!).

Finally, he most definitely is not the cutest boy in the world, and we definitely don't love him with ALL of our hearts, now do we?! Nope, not our child! How could we be this blessed?! Happy Nine Months, Precious Boy!!

Not Me! Monday

2009-06-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

I did not spend all week planning for Father's Day, which I thought was yesterday. I do not need to put so much planning into this day to "one up" my awesome husband, who gave me an incredible first Mother's Day. And, I did not just realize I had an entire extra week to plan, finally finding out on Friday that JB's first Father's Day is really on the 21st, not the 14th, Nope, Not Me!

While my in-laws were visiting this past weekend, we most certainly did not eat out every single meal. I was not a horrible hostess, not cooking a single meal, Nope, Not Me! Precisely, I was a good enough hostess to cook them one homemade meal, a meal that was supposed to go to a friend's house who had just had a baby... That meal didn't make it there w/ the storms we had, it ended up as our one home cooked meal :)

In this lovely Texas heat, I did not find myself so parched while out running errands that I drank (guzzled rather) water from Harper's new sippy cup. Nope, Not Me! And, I most certainly did not duck down in my car to drink from said cup so as to not be seen by drivers in the next lane, Nope, Not Me!

And, I have definitely not become that mom that makes airplane noises and pretends to eat my child's mashed up vegetables in attempts to get him to love food and stop nursing so much/often, Nope, Not Me! I make fun of those moms.

Last weekend, I did not recruit my friends and family to help me take down the old, flowered wallpaper donated to the house by the lovely old lady who used to live here and repaint the entire house in a day and a half because I had a baby shower to throw on Sunday. Who would decide to redecorate an entire home with a 7 month old baby in a day?! Not Me!

I did not opt to nurse my child in church on Sunday because it was the only option to keep him quiet during a very important service, who bribes their child with food to keep them silent? Not Me!

And, my child's ability to use the potty instead of his diaper at 7 months old was most certainly not the discussion everyone was having at a good friend's husband's funeral this weekend. That would be really inappropriate, and I would not find myself at the center of that discussion, Nope, Not Me!

This morning at work after sharing that I made an awesome green smoothie with goat's milk kefir for breakfast, I was not told that I am a "hippie without the dreads", Nope, Not Me!

So there you have it, Not Me! Monday... Hop on over to MckMama's site and join the fun: http://www.mycharmingkids.net/

Fun Giveaway!

2009-06-02T06:43:00.000-07:00

Go check out Meredith's cool, cute blog for a chance to win a great prize. Thanks for the opportunity Meredith!

Lettuce Wraps

2009-05-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

So I tried this recipe, from my best friend's blog today. But, you guys know me, and you know I can't cook anything and leave the recipe intact. So, of course, I had to change some things up. I think as long as you don't expect to taste PF Chang's, they are really good. They reminded me more of sloppy joes on lettuce. But, that's ok because we have given up bread and use lettuce in its place rather frequently. What did I change? Well, I used fresh ginger, made some brown rice to go with it, added chopped almonds on top for crunch (we are big texture people), used romaine lettuce instead of iceberg for more nutritional value, used 1lb of turkey and 1lb of chicken (it's what I had), and I didn't like all the preservatives in the plum sauce so I used plum jam and organic tomato paste (think I'll use less paste next time to make it more like wraps and less like sloppy joes). But, all in all, they were pretty tasty- thanks Kitty :).

And, speaking of lettuce wraps, about a month ago I found a new all time favorite lettuce wrap recipe. It has become my new favorite meal to bring to new moms; if you are expecting a baby and I am signed up to bring you meals, expect this one. We love it around here! Plus, it's great to have another recipe we can use when doing the cleanse. It is a little more work than the crockpot, but totally worth it.

Chicken Lettuce Wraps

1/4 cup of Sweet Chili Sauce (in the Asian section at my stores)

1/4 cup of Honey

Fresh Basil

Sea Salt

Pepper

1/4 cup Almonds (I chop mine)

Chicken (I use 4 breasts)

Red Bell Pepper

Onion

Eggplant

Brown Rice

Lettuce (traditionally iceberg is used, but we like romaine)

Cook the chicken (I usually stir fry mine in coconut oil) and brown rice (I usually fry mine in coconut oil until it lets off a "nutty" smell, then boil in chicken broth- tastes awesome!). Stir fry veggies and combine w/ chicken once cooked. Season with salt/pepper. You can add whatever other veggies you like too (I get creative- squash, sweet potatoes, zucchini...). Add chili sauce and honey to cooked chicken/veggies. Enjoy your wraps- stack rice, veggies/chicken in salad leaf and top w/ fresh basil and almonds (we'll add soy sauce too sometimes).

Oh and a hint on the announcement- Kate and Heather, you two should know :) because it was Kate's idea and Heather's hubby is hard at work for me. And, no, unfortunately we are not expecting a little brother or sister for Harper yet, at least that we know of anyway ;). Sorry to disappoint, but I had to tell at least that much- the phone has been ringing off the wall :)

Not Me! Monday

2009-05-11T06:19:00.001-07:00

After being so excited that Stellan was finally home from the hospital and anxiously awaiting MckMama resuming Not Me! Mondays, I did not miss participating in her return Not Me! Monday last week, nope, Not Me!

Last week while we were at a friend's house, Harper most certainly did not poop down the front of my white shirt, after I took him to the bathroom and was talking and playing with him before putting his diaper back on (I thought he was done, wrong). And, I most certainly did not forget to pack myself a change of shirt. So I did not proceed to try to wash my shirt in her sink with hand soap before returning to socialize. And, I was not super happy that we were eating guacamole for lunch so I could simply hold Harper, positioning to hide the lovely poop marks, and after eating blame the faint green on dropped guacamole, nope, never, Not Me!

I most certainly did not miss the recognition of moms and prayer for moms at church on Saturday for my first Mother's Day because I was in the nursing room feeding Harper, nope, Not Me! And, I didn't think to myself while in there, "Well isn't this appropriate?!" Nope, Not Me!

I didn't keep turning and looking for MY mom all weekend anytime someone wished me a "Happy Mother's Day" because I definitely don't feel old enough or like I am in the stage of life to be celebrating my very own Mother's Day, nope, surely Not Me!

After finally setting up the co-sleeper where it belongs, next to the bed, and cleaning out all the junk in it so Harper could have a place to sleep, the ironing board has not become the new storage device in our bedroom. I would never let that happen, and I most certainly wouldn't walk by it for 3 weeks, thinking how badly I need to clean it up, nope, Not Me!

I am not the wife who would laugh hysterically at my husband for doing his hair, before work, using a towel that Harper had peed on. And, I certainly would not think to myself after figuring out that he had done this, "Good, maybe he will finally learn only to use the towels hanging on the rack!" Nope, Not Me!, that would be really mean.

Surely, I am not blessed enough to have married such an awesome man, who treated me to the best first Mother's Day ever yesterday. Not Me! And, should I feel guilty that he spent all his free time on Saturday making me a scrapbook for Mother's Day? As if that is not wonderful enough, he also bought me a gorgeous opal and pink Sapphire (Harper's birthstones) necklace to include with the book. I would have never imagined getting to enjoy spending a great day with my family yesterday, and I couldn't be more grateful for my mom after these past few months spending a little time "in her shoes" as a mom myself... Nope, Not Me!

So there you go... Hope you'll join MckMama and everyone else in the fun of Not Me! Monday

Stay tuned to my blog, and hopefully this week I'll have an exciting announcement to make : )

Fever

2009-05-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

After spending all day Sunday (4am-8pm) at a precious friend's home birth, I was so disappointed to spend all Sunday night dealing with poor little Harper's first fever. I have complained in the past about not sleeping on some nights... However, until Sunday night, I don't think I understood that you could literally spend an entire night with a baby NOT sleeping at ALL. Usually on nights where Harper isn't so keen on sleeping, we can convince him to at least get a little rest by rocking or bouncing him, changing his diaper, using his sound machine and if all of this doesn't work, I can at least get a bit of rest by sleeping on my side as he nurses. But, on Sunday night, we tried and tried, but NOTHING worked. He would latch on and suck a couple of times, then he would latch off and scream in pain. The only thing that soothed him a little bit was sitting upright in the rocking chair or walking the house with him on our chest. And, as the night progressed, his little body got warmer and warmer. We could tell his teeth were bothering him because he would blow raspberries on our shoulders and stick his fingers as far back in his mouth as he could manage to get them. And, we gathered that his ears and sinuses weren't feeling too well either because the pressure of laying him down was unbearable and he would not nurse for long periods of time. I have seen many patients with these same symptoms, but as you may know, it is a lot different when you are living it out with your own child as a mom rather than being a doctor to your patient. And, I know that with teething it is common to run a fever, not sleep, have loose bowels, have a runny nose, and/or have ear/sinus pain/pressure. However, it is so much easier for me to stay level headed with my patients; at one point yesterday, when Harper hung his head and cried on my shoulder, I broke down and cried over his pain with him. It is so hard to watch my little boy hurt! But, I am so grateful for this experience because it has done nothing but convince me more to practice what I preach, and I will go into the office understanding my moms better.

So what did we do with a fever? Simple, let the body work. God is so incredible, and the way He made our bodies just amazes me. And, I am so sad to see that we constantly try to change the perfect vessel He has made. I am thankful for fevers; and, I am especially thankful that fevers come on with teething. Why? Well, if we didn't have fevers during teething, it would be much easier for us to get sick. See, the tooth has to erupt through the gum line, so this causes a series of potentially dangerous events to happen if there wasn't a protective fever set in place by our amazing Creator. When the tooth comes through, the gums are open and allow things to enter the body that normally wouldn't come through an otherwise closed system. Also, there is generalized inflammation in the face (sinuses) and ears as the teeth come through. So, without a fever, we are more susceptible to ear infections and colds and sinus infections at this time. And, mucous production increases to wash out bacteria during this susceptible time for infection. Of course I can totally understand after going through this- and struggling as I watched my precious baby deal with pain- why parents would jump for the Tylenol and Motrin. But, this simply wasn't an option or consideration for us. Why? Well, there are several reasons. For one, I trust that our bodies are perfectly created to function perfectly 100% of the time. I don't want to mess with what God has created for a purpose. If I choose to decrease his fever, I lengthen the time he has to spend not feeling good. His body turns the fever up high to kill off whatever doesn't need to be in his body, and if I turn down the temperature, his body will pause and then try to turn it back up again. Or worse, it will be more susceptible to infection, possibly acquire an infection and then have to take extra time to kill it off. So, why not just spend some miserable time letting the fever do its good, and then it will be over and we will be back to normal and happy in no time. Secondly, have you looked into the ingredients in Tylenol and Motrin? I am not going to stress out my child's developing liver and cause potential heart complications and stomach bleeding by giving my child Acetaminophen or Ibuprofen just so he can cool down his elevated temperature and be happy. And, I am certainly not going to give my child corn syrup, sugar (sorbitol) or food dyes! Isn't this one of the primary reasons why I breastfeed, to keep junk out of my child?! Did you know that 1 teaspoon of sugar decreases immunity for at least 10 hours? And, there are tons of side effects (like killing off brain cells!) when it comes to artificial and alcohol sugars so don't think that flavoring the medicines with these or going "sugar free" is a better answer either. And, corn syrup is one of the worst things you can put in your body, much less your baby's (another reason why I am so glad we breastfeed and don't do formula- since corn syrup is one of the primary ingredients in formulas), so I certainly wouldn't be giving him a medication with this ingredient just so he could feel better. Furthermore, considering sugar is one guaranteed way to decrease and stress out the immune system, it's ironic that these medications all contain it in one form or another. Isn't it just great that some of them include Splenda or sucralose instead? Do you know what makes up Splenda/sucralose? Simple- sugar and chlorine. Would I give my child chlorine? NO! So why would I give him some chlorine with sugar on a day he is miserable with fever? Beats me... Probably because parents either don't read labels, or they don't know what the ingredient is on the label, or worst yet- they trust the doctor who told them to give it to their child w/ a blind faith. No thanks, I'd rather have the miserable child with fever than these meds! You won't find me giving you the popular opinion that God gifted doctors with wisdom and knowledge to invent these wonderful meds. Nope, I think it's simply another thing we have invented to bypass God's plan and make our lives easier but not better.

There are many things we have to achieve through hard work, and health is one of them. Know what else I did not do? I did not sit around taking my child's temperature with a thermometer. Why? Do I need to see a number to tell me my child has fever? Nope, I can see he does by watching how he does not act like himself and feeling how hot his skin is to the touch. Harper feeds off of my emotions, and what better emotion to make one sick than stress? And what would stress me out more than seeing a climbing number on the thermometer? No thanks! Did I worry about the fever? Yes, my main concern was keeping him hydrated and getting him well. So, we stayed chilled out at home. I stripped him down to his diaper, and we laid in bed skin to skin and nursed as much as possible. The result? The fever is almost totally gone, he is getting back to his happy, active self, and I have a healthier child because I let his body go with what it was designed perfectly to do best- work! Fever is a time of detox and helps rid the body of toxins and keep toxins out that haven't yet entered, and studies show it decreases cancer risks too. Therefore, I may not have enjoyed the couple of days with an unhappy child, but I am so thankful that the Power that made the body can and does heal the body, and we come out on the other side better!!

Replace Panic With Education!

2009-04-28T08:09:00.000-07:00

Turn off the TV, ignore the media hype and educate yourself with articles like this one.

6 Months Old!

2009-04-21T09:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my baby boy turned 6 months. I am cherishing every moment, even when looking forward to the next phase. Although it gets more fun each and every day, I do miss the last phase, and continue to think how time flies by way too fast! I can not believe that in 6 short months, it feels like we have lived a lifetime! JB and I can not hardly remember what life was like before Harper. And, what a gift from the Lord to be able to love someone this much- it's absolutely amazing! He makes me want to cry for joy every time I look at him, and I feel as if my heart is going to burst! These past few weeks feel like he has started to change and develop faster than ever. His left bottom tooth has started to break through his bottom gum (hence the teething necklace he is always wearing- which works wonders!). He loves to chew on cold celery stalks. He got his first little black eye while we were shopping at Whole Foods and he was riding in the shopping cart. He can sit in highchairs while we eat now, which makes mommy's and daddy's lives so much easier. And, he is so close to crawling- up on all fours and rocking back and forth. We have gotten him on a routine, and we are all sleeping so much better! JB's genes are definitely stronger because Harper is one of the loudest, most active babies I have ever seen. It is definite entertainment for us, and there is never a dull day! Poor people around us who come to eat out for a quiet meal on the town, Harper's loud shrills and shrieks and laugh definitely shatter that notion! Also, my little boy loves the outdoors, he enjoyed his first fishing trip and likes to play w/ his bassets and keep an eye on them while he swings. We are so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy that the Lord would choose to bless our lives so richly- we love you, Harper!

3 Month Photo Session

2009-03-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

We had our 3 month photo session w/ Marquette a few weeks ago (Harper was just a little over 3 months old). I can not say enough about how talented Marquette is, and I am very thankful we did her baby plan... Great way to preserve memories! If you live in the metroplex and need pics, her website is http://www.simpletreasuresphotography.com/. And, you can follow her blog to see all her latest work- fun! But, here is a preview of Harper's 3 month shoot. Excuse mommy's double chin- give me a break, I'd just had a baby about 12 wks ago in these pics!! Here is the link, and the event code is "harper3":
http://web7.sendtoprint.net/proofbook/harper3/base.asp?ig1=ig&ww=1214&js=1

Family: If you are interested in placing an order on any of these, let me know.

"Not Me!" Monday

2009-03-16T08:07:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday on our way home from Kansas City, in frigid temperatures, I did not push our cart full of luggage through the rental car parking lot uphill with a backpack on my back and a diaper bag on one arm and a purse on the other while Jim Bob laughed at me as he watched me do this from the warm temperature of the waiting room as he held sleeping Harper and NO bags, nope, Not Me!

We did not pack 7 pieces of luggage for 2 adults and 1 baby, nope, Not Us! And, I was totally prepared that traveling with a baby now meant having to pack the whole house, so we'd be prepared :)

I most certainly did not almost pee on myself as I was laughing so hard while pushing this luggage and watching Jim Bob simply watch me, no, Not Me!

I did not keep from peeing on myself by visualizing myself having to ride all the way home on an airplane while nursing and holding my child, freezing in my wet urine smelling pants, nope, Not Me!

I do not have a fear of peeing on myself because it's something I used to struggle with all the way up into high school anytime I laughed too hard, and in junior high school I was most certainly not nicknamed "The Pee Queen", nope, Not Me!
*You would think someone would have taught me those great Kegel exercises we learn in pregnancy yoga earlier on in life!!*

I did not put Harper in his swing this week so that I could eat some of my delicious coconut milk ice-cream and use both hands to do so, and I most certainly did not finish off the entire tub of deliciousness all on my own in one sitting, nope, Not Me!

I do not have a pile of dirty cloth diapers laying on a trash can lid in my halway because I am too lazy to get the trash can and put the liner in it and the diapers in it, nope, Not Me!

I am not doing all my laundry at my mom's house this week because my washer is broken for the second time this year, nope, Not Me! And, I most certainly didn't break it by loading it too full and allowing a knob to break off for the second time, nope, Not Me!

I did not catch myself thinking, "Just move him to play elsewhere, it'll dry, he'll never know." when Harper peed on Jim Bob's side of the bed this week, nope, Not Me!
*And, yes, my conscience got the best of me and those sheets did make it to the wash at mom's! JB is so lucky I am honest to a fault!*

I did not explain to my sister's new boyfriend (of one week) what a "froobie" is, nope, Not Me!

So there you have it, I love reading the "Not Me! Mondays" so this week I decided to jump in and participate... Kids give you TONS of material to work w/, especially in our busy house. I hope you'll pop over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net/ and participate too... I promise you'll live to tell about it, and I'll enjoy reading it :)

Besides, I needed to blog because I know you all miss me when JB is on here being all spiritual :)

Answering my cry....

2009-03-15T13:54:00.000-07:00

At church this morning during worship, one of the praise team members shared this verse with us and I wanted to pass it on to all of you because it touched me so much because it was so true to where I am with my Jesus right now.

"Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever."Psalm 28:6-9

My favorite part of that passage is the second sentence: "The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped" That's one of the most profound pieces of scripture I've read in awhile. It basically sums up this past year for me. God has brought me through alot this past year. I've been at the very top, feeling like there was nothing God couldn't do through me, and I've felt like I was at the very bottom...wondering if God had forgot about me but trusting Him that His word is true and that He would never "leave nor forsake me". God has been teaching me about the strength of my faith in Him. He's allowed me to be tested this year harder than I ever remember being tested. But I have learned after all this year that my God is faithful! He is my strength and my shield and nothing the enemy throws as me can prosper with Him as my front and rear guard.

I am humbled by what God has shown me and what He has accomplished through me. I know that I don't deserve any of what I receive but because of the blood of my savior I can stand boldly and make my requests to heaven. What an absolute honor!!!!

Lord, search my heart and make it clean. Break my heart for what breaks yours, everything I have for your kingdom's cause.

JB

Now I Understand..

2009-03-14T13:37:00.000-07:00

The past few months have been a wirl wind and a blur to me. Cindy and I have never known when to slow down and when to say "No", and then we had Harper in October and it's been busier than it ever has been. I always remember growing up and asking my Dad questions about things he was doing or talking about and he'd always say to me, "One day when you're a dad you'll understand." I always thought that was such a cop-out answer for not dealing with the issue or answering the question I asked so it always made me mad! I was always a curious kid (imagine that!), and I always loved to learn so I always thought he was blowing me off. But now that I have Harper, I think I understand my Dad on a level I could've never imagined before.

My Dad is one of the hardest working men I've ever met (next to both my grandpa's). We grew up (like he did) farming and ranching so there is no such thing as 8:00-5:00. You work until you get done and if you don't, you keep working. And all the years growing up, I never heard my Dad complain, at least not to me. Maybe he did to my Mom behind closed doors, but to me, he never complained about how hard he worked, or that he didn't get to make it to every tennis match or every shooting competition because it was planting season and they had to get done. He worked hard so that I never had to worry about a thing growing up. We weren't rich, but we never had to wonder if we could afford anything either. My parents did a great job with their money, especially for as little as they knew about it. My Dad wasn't necessarily the saviest business man and he'll tell you himself that he missed some big opportunities to invest in some ventures that shot through the roof, but he made up for his lack of business knowledge with hard work, honesty, and integrity. The thing I always remember and never forget is when he used to take me with him when he'd go to work. It didn't happen alot when I was younger because he didn't want to bother me on my days off, but when he took me around with him....I loved the way people in town responded to my dad. I was always so proud to go into "Walker's Auto Parts" and "Graves Implement" and "Franklin's" with him because every where we went, EVERYONE liked my dad and everyone respected him. My dad is a pretty quiet guy (I must've got mine from Mom!!), but when he talked, people always listened to him.

I'm really hard on people because I expect alot out of people, mainly....because I expect more than that out of myself. And I've realized that even though my dad isn't perfect and hasn't been perfect all the time....neither have I. I think I've been too hard on him the past few years and because of that I've held him at arms length to protect myself from either me not measuring up to what he thought I should be, or maybe to protect him from not measuring up to what I thought he should be to me....I don't know. What I do know is I am who I am today because of the things my dad has taught me. I plan on passing these lessons on to Harper:

1. Honesty: My dad was always honest and taught me that there is never an ok time to lie. Because of his teaching, I'm honest to a fault sometimes. When guys got in trouble in school, the principle (my best friend's dad) would bring me in because he new I was never scared and that I'd always tell him the truth no matter what. In this world you're not rewarded for being honest anymore, you're rewarded for the opposite...sad really.

2. Work ethic: My dad worked his tail off for us and that's what I'm doing for my family now. Laziness was not an option for us growing up which helped me to learn how to work hard. My dad was a bit of a workahaulic, which I unfortunately have inherited as well so that is one part I hope to not pass on to Harper, but I'm glad that he'll know how to do a good days work and be proud of what he's accomplished.

3. Confidence: Dad taught me to have confidence in the things I was doing and to believe in myself that I could do anything I wanted to. He taught me that there was nothing out there out of my league if I wanted it bad enough.

4. Never, Never Quit: This has gotten to be such a cliche as of late, but to my dad and I this is sacred. No matter what I did growing up, dad taught me to give it 110%, and to never, ever quit on myself, no matter what happened. I was never the most athletic guy on the team or the smartest kid in the class all the time, but I would out work everyone else to get the job done.

God has blessed me on so many levels and continues to do so every day, and he is teaching me areas I need to grow and showing me new areas I need to surrender to Him, but one of the greatest blessings I have, is my Dad and the lessons I've learned.

So this is for my Dad......thank you, for everything....past and present. Thank you for working so hard for us all those years with no thanks. Thank you for always being at my games and showing up for stuff I did. Thanks for all the shooting lessons out back in the yard. Thanks for supporting me and Cindy and Harper. And I'm sorry, for all the times I haven't appreciated you, you deserved and still deserve better. Here's to the years to come...cheers.

"Is it really that difficult?!?"

2009-03-05T06:51:00.000-08:00

I had breakfast with one of my really good friends this morning (shout out to my boy Ben!) and the two of us were just hanging out, talking about different things God had been doing with us lately and had been teaching us and areas He had been growing us in. One of the things we talked about for awhile was how backwards we all have everything. Because our culture is so "Fast Food", and "Give me what I want when I want it, exactly how I want it...". Because we're given everything without having to work for it or suffer because of it. Because we've been blessed beyond our wildest dreams but somehow have come to expect it, and even worse...feel entitled to it somehow....we've made everything way too complicated.
Take our health as an example (Since this is what I teach and deal with on a daily basis). Everyone wants a formula for their health. "Doc, tell me what to do to ______ (you add it in...be healthy, lose weight, gain muscle, get pregnant, be smarter, be stronger..etc)" We've totally missed the point and are making everything way too complicated. There are only 2 reasons why we get sick...only two. Because God has PERFECTLY created the body to handle every circumstance and every contingency....only 2 things can happen: 1. Toxicity or 2. Deficiency
You either A: Become toxic in things you shouldn't have in your system (toxic thoughts, processed foods, caffeine, smoking, artificial sweeteners, plastics, xenoestrogens, etc) driving your perfectly created physiology away from normal function, OR B: You are deficient (lacking) in things your body has to have to function (water, nutrients, rest, stress-relief, exercises, spinal motion, essential fats, etc) and that in turn is forcing your body into a state of sickness and illness in order to adapt to whichever of the two (or both) that's happening in our bodies. So if we can figure out which one of the two are happening and correct them naturally and allow our perfect bodies to return to perfect normal function, then our bodies can correct what's gone wrong. That's not to say that there is a point of no return at times because of the damaged caused by years of abuse and misuse.
What about with marriage?? We now have availabe every kind of marriage program under the sun to try and give us a "formula" for having a great, productive, godly marriage. "Respect him so he'll love you and he'll love you so you can respect him!" "Tell your wife 3 things good about her every day..." "Tell your husband all the ways you appreciate him exactly 5 times a week.." And on and on and on and on. Isn't marriage supposed to be a mirror image of Christ and the church?? So if we as couples and husbands and wives focus on God and His love and listen to His direction, and then put our spouses needs and desires before our own all the time....where's the difficulty??? I'm not saying Cindy and I have this perfect set-up, or that we have it all figured out because we don't and we're human and learning just like everyone else...but God has been teaching us and guiding us lately on simplifying everything about our relationship with Him and every other aspect of our lives because most of our stress comes from the complexity we try to add in to each of our situations. Maybe marriages are hard because of selfishness, I don't know. I know I was extremely selfish when Cindy and I got married and with God's love and help and her patience, I grew in that area and because I love her more than I love the air that I breathe, I'll do anything and everything to make sure that she is taken care of and cared for and loved on not because I expect anything in return, but because THAT'S THE WAY GOD DESIGNED IT!!! Doesn't it say "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."????
Weren't the two greatest commandments that God gave the disciples 1. "Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, mind, and soul." and 2. "Love your neighbor as yourself"?? What does this tell us about God? THAT'S HE'S SIMPLISTIC!! Everything comes out of our love for Him first, and then our love for other people over our own agendas or wants and desires. If we ultimately love God as much as we claim we do and as much as He commands, then out of that the only reaction is to love everyone around us like He does because that is a natural overflow of the love of Christ inside you. And if you're loving everyone around you, you CAN NOT be selfish at the same time!! Think about a world, no wait, think about a Church that lived this way and worked off of these principles and just imagine all that God could and would do through His people!! You can't imagine it because the possiblities are described by only one word: Miraculous!
I don't know everything, but I've learned alot, and I'm continuing to learn more everyday as I do because the Spirit continues to reveal His heart and His direction to me and I strive everyday to deny myself and say "Yes" when I hear Him because I know that when I do things under my own power, I always mess it up. I'm tired of not doing things right because I'm selfish and want my own way...I'm ready to see what God will do with a broken, open vessel that's listening for for his voice and ready to step forward in faith into all that He's chosen for me and my family.

JB

Elimination Communication

2009-02-23T12:08:00.000-08:00

OK, so you would think I would learn by now never to make fun of something or say, "I would never do that..." God definitely has a sense of humor; and, pretty much everything I have "trash talked" I end up doing. For example, I used to say I would never go to a chiropractor (much less become one!), in high school nursing babies grossed me out, I thought I would also work and never stay home, and I could have never imagined giving birth without meds (much less at home!). There is much more I could add to the list, but you get the picture.

Well, I can vividly remember adjusting this six month old little girl in my office repeatedly for the same subluxation. As I was going through with the mom and trying to figure out what could be causing this, she asked me if it could be the way she was "potty-ing her". You should have seen my face: potty-ing her?! What?!? She is six months old, how do you potty her? What is potty-ing her?? After her explanation, and doing some research, I remember coming home and laughing to Jim Bob. "You won't believe what these crazy parents are doing! This is insane!" Little did I know I would eat my words one day.

Then, I went to a Holistic Moms Network Meeting a few months before I was pregnant w/ Harper (the meetings are held at my office). It was interesting to hear about this technique called "Elimination Communication", and I was very curious. So, I bought a book to research more called Diaper Free Baby by Christine Gross-Loh. I no longer would make fun of families doing EC because the research in the book and at the meeting made total sense! We decided we would try it when we had Harper.

As I shared our plans with my parents, my mother made fun of me, "Let me know how that goes!" EC is not about "potty training" an infant. There is no training involved, but rather it is all about communication. Something so rare here in our disconnected society is actually the norm in other societies. And, I loved in the book the part where she talks about the fact that we consider our dogs more intelligent than our children. After all, why is it that a puppy should be able to use the bathroom in the proper place at only a few months old, but we let our children go in their diapers until well past the age of 2 years old? Doesn't it make sense that when your baby is hungry or sleepy you know and read their signs and signals? Of course you do; and, learning their signs for needing to go to the bathroom is just as simple. That is what we do with Harper, and when he signals that he needs to go, we take him to the bathroom. Up until 4 weeks old, because I was so overwhelmed as a new mom, I just watched him closely to learn his signals. And, I would change his diaper immediately when he went. Then, after 4 weeks, I started taking him to the bathroom. I am not upset if I miss and he goes in his diaper (the difference in EC versus potty training). And, I have no expectations. I am just trying to listen to my child's needs and not let him grow so attached to his diaper that he misses it one day when it's completely gone. The result? I will often go two weeks without changing a poopy diaper. On average, I only change about 3 wet (pee) diapers a day. Before doing EC, I was changing about 10-20 poopy diapers a day. He wakes up from his naps dry, and often will wake up from sleeping overnight dry too. Once they know there is another option rather than the diaper, they prefer it and will choose it when they can. After all, who would really- if given a choice- choose to go to the bathroom on themselves and sit in it for hours?! EC just makes sense. And, it is not anymore time consuming than changing a diaper would be. Not to mention, you will have to take the time to take your child to the bathroom eventually- whether you do it early on with EC or later when you potty train them. What about my doubting mom? Well, she now takes Harper to the bathroom too... As does JB and his parents. Everyone is in shock that it works! And, every time he goes for mom, she says, "Cha-ching!" EC has saved us so much $$! Many of my Facebook friends asked me to video him going to the bathroom. I am sure his dad would gladly- you know if you have seen all the crazy pics he posts (poor Harper)- but I thought that would be really mean.... Can you imagine someone showing him that when he is older: "Look what your mom put on the Internet!" However, even though I won't volunteer Harper's pics online, you can find out more info here and watch a great news clip video here. Feel free to ask me questions in the comment section. But, all I have to say now is we have tried it, and it works!!! Never say never!

"Inspirational Skiing"

2009-01-25T13:08:00.000-08:00

I just got from a ski trip this past week (YES, i do work, this was a Christmas present!). I went on the trip carrying some pretty heavy burdens and trying to seek answers for some of them. I'm going to be honest, snow skiing is probably my number 1 favorite thing to do and the first couple days I couldn't turn my brain off and I wasn't having that much fun. I'm in a ski in, ski out, incredible condo on a great mountain in Idaho, all expenses paid, and I was thinking about the stuff I needed to be doing here!! But I kept praying, and kept seeking, telling God that I wasn't moving until he spoke to me. We skied (sp?) Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. On Friday I decided to go off on my own on the mountain to ski some more advanced runs to really push myself. After I had hit a couple of the black runs on the front bowl (sorry if you don't speak ski lingo!) I was headed back up for more when God spoke to me plain as day. He gave me a picture of me going down the side of the mountain and reminded me of how much harder it is to make it down the mountain when I fight the mountain. When you don't trust your ski's and you try to fight it all the way down instead of allowing yourself to just go down the mountain and let the mountain do the work. He said that He was my mountain and that His will was going to be accomplished one way or another, but it wasn't easy right now because I was holding back and fighting Him. I have a bad habit of thinking that I know better how to get things done than He does (hilarious huh?!?) and not giving 100% of myself to Him. This isn't the first time He's talked to me about this, but this time it was different. It hit alot closer to home and I had more fun that day and skied better than I have in my life. All because I stopped fighting and doubting the mountain and I just devoted all of myself to what I was doing. That's my goal now that I'm back, focusing on Him, but I'm done fighting.....sorry for the rambling, just a thought I had on a lift chair in Idaho.....for what it's worth.

JB

12 weeks!

2009-01-12T20:19:00.000-08:00

I can't believe my little boy is 12 weeks old today! I need to measure him because he is getting so long. He now weighs 11 pounds and 14 ounces. He really hates being in his carseat because he loves to move around, talk to us and be held. He definitely gets the moving and talking from his dad! This week several things are new in his world: He is drooling a lot, I think the road to teeth is starting (hopefully it'll be slow though because we love his precious gum smile). His lungs are stronger, thus he is a lot louder (there is NEVER any doubt about whether or not he likes something :). He loves to watch his basset hounds (I am sure they are looking forward to him running after them and pulling on their ears). We bought him an activity gym on Saturday because he really liked playing with his friend Christopher's; he is so smart, he immediately started grabbing at the toys hanging from it and will hang on to them. He hardly fits in his 0-3 month clothes now, and isn't quite filling out his 3-6 month sizes- he is just so long! And, I am still amazed at how little sleep he functions on. We love our little boy, and cherish each day with him!

The Mom Song

2009-01-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

A friend posted this on his blog a few days ago, and JB and I thought it was hilarious. Enjoy!

http://vimeo.com/1509073

11 Weeks!

2009-01-05T21:19:00.000-08:00

Now that I am slightly coming out of my "sleep coma", I realize that time is flying by and so much is happening day to day. I have not done a very good job of documenting, and it's easy to forget when you are functioning on little sleep. So, I am going to try to document better for Harper (and the grandparents, great-grandparents and aunts). For those of you who are not family and could care less, forgive this very motherly post ;)

Harper,

I am having so much fun w/ you, I wish time would slow down! I can't believe you joined our family on the outside eleven weeks ago today. We are so blessed! You change on a daily basis, and so much has happened in eleven short weeks. You have quite the little personality, and are truly your daddy's boy. You weight 11 pounds 5 ounces, exactly 4 more than you did at birth. And, mommy's and daddy's arms can definitely attest to that- you don't like to be put down, and we are really sore!! You found your thumb on the 26th of December and immediately started sucking on it. GB walked into our room and found you on our bed examining your fist, turning it back and forth as you looked at it, on the 30th. Since that day, your hands have become your main source of entertainment, and you love to suck on them. Mommy is very grateful for your swing- it's the only thing besides her arms that you will sleep in sometimes. If I am lucky, you sleep about 30 minutes during the day- only after you have nursed yourself to sleep- and at night you give me about 3 hours of straight sleep. You still like to eat A LOT- about every hour to 2 hours during the day and at the most you go 3 hours at night without eating- but, if I moved and used up as many diapers as you do, I guess I'd need to eat that much too. At night after our last feeding when we go to join daddy in bed, you love to lay awake and talk to yourself. I love to hear your little voice and feel your legs and arms move. You bring me so much joy!! On the rare occasions you are happy riding in your car seat, you love to talk to your pet monkey, but the laughing catepillar really disturbs you. You love to hold your head up and look all around, and you are doing great with tummy time. You get really happy when we sing "You Are My Sunshine", and you like reading your memory Bible verses and singing your kids' hymns with me. Everyone comments on how beautiful you are and how you are so much more alert than any babies they have seen your age. We know God has something incredible in store for your life! And, the favorite part of your day- besides eating- is always when daddy comes home. We miss him during the day, but are so grateful he is blessed with a wonderful job and willing to provide for us. You talk and grin with him more than with anyone else, I love it! We are so excited to see what these next few weeks hold, thank-you for making these first 11 so great!

Love,

Mom

So many Choices!!

2009-01-04T06:27:00.000-08:00

On Thursday (January 1st), Cindy and I went to the movies with her parents to see the new film "Slumdog Millionaire". I know, I had never heard of it either, but Cindy and her mother were dying to see this new film so we took them. The movie is about a boy in India that makes it on their version of "Who wants to be a Millionaire" the game show. As they ask him the myriad of questions from every discipline, he knows each answer from life situations he was put in growing up in the slums of India. He had no schooling, no formal teaching, but had attended the "school of hard knocks" and had picked up a few things along the way. It was a really good movie actually, surprising me, but you'll have to go see it for yourself to see what all happens. The reason I brought it up though is that it brought out a really incredible depiction of how everything in our lives comes down the our choices.....

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, that you and your descendants might live! Choose to love the LORD your God and to obey him and commit yourself to him, for he is your life. Then you will live long in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." (Deuteronomy 30:19-20)

One day back in the fall I was driving a patient (now good friend) of mine over to Dallas to see another doctor there. He did not have the means to go and he needed the evaluation and so I drove him myself. As we drove there and back and talked the entire way about our lives and what God had done in and through us and what He was currently doing.....we were both really shocked and amazed at where our choices had brought us. At any one point along our lives and along our paths, we could have made a different choice and everything would've turned out so differently for us. It was the sum of our choices to this point that had brought us to that day and had brought us together to help heal him of the physical ailments he is dealing with (also dealing with choices!!).

Like in Deuteronomy, God offers us the choice every single day between "blessings and curses". That's why it is sooo vital that you are walking daily with Him and being still and listening to His sometimes barely audible voice to give you the direction you so desperately need in the decisions you are faced with every day that you wake up. Walking with God doesn't mean you will be perfect and never make a wrong decision or choose the wrong thing, but it does mean that more often than not you will know which choice will bring you God's blessings and which won't. This may be the biggest problem with the whole idea of God, the Holy Spirit, and the christian life.....the simplicity of it. I think (I know for alot of people I know) that for some, they want it to be much more complex and alot harder to figure out than just saying, "YES!" to Him every day and listening to a God who loves them unconditionally, with only one string attached: saying "Yes" to his Son and giving him lordship over your life. The other thing that is probably so hard is that choice to give up ALL of yourself and to give it ALL to Him so He can bless you and He can use you to spread His love to whomever He chooses.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths."
He wants ALL of our hearts and wants us to give him the reigns and the control of ALL of our ways and situations. But He doesn't force that on us!! Isn't that amazing!?!? The God of the entire universe, who spoke this world into being with a word, who parted the sea for the Israelites to walk across on dry land, who walked on the water to calm a raging storm, who turned water into wine to show his majesty and glory, who sent His Son to be an example for us and to be a sacrifice for all the sins we've committed or will commit, that same God gives me the option NOT to choose His will or to give Him all of me not because He is sadistic or doesn't care....but because He loves us too much to force us to follow Him! Wow!! I think it is so simple, but so absolutely perfect that it's impossible to fathom of our own strength and vision and we have to allow Him to touch our eyes and our hearts to see what He sees and feel what He feels. When you do that though, get ready....the emotions you feel are indescribable. The joy is unbelievable, but the pain is unbearable. I've never cried harder than when I asked God to show me what He feels when I touch people. The pain that people are going through as they choose to operate on their own wisdom (Prov 3:7), and the remorse they feel over choices they made in the past rocked my world.
I think even greater than the fact that God gives us the choice to follow Him or not with our daily decisions, is the fact that when we make the wrong choice.....He immediately forgives us and loves us anyway!!! This is not a license to choose poorly knowing He'll still be there because He knows our hearts, but rather a safely net to know that if we make a wrong step on this high wire act of life and we fall, He'll be there to catch us and restore us if we let Him.
So go check out the movie "Slumdog Millionaire" and see the picture of two brothers growing up under the same bad circumstances and same hardships, but each making different choices and how they turn out. It was a great parenting lesson for me. Really meditate on His word though and ask Him to show you clearly what your choices are....it's when you are closest to Him that your path is the clearest. He never stears us in the wrong direction, we just stop looking at His map!

JB

Bye-Bye to a WONDERFUL Year!

2008-12-31T22:03:00.000-08:00

January- I witnessed my first twin birth. We went on a ski trip. We finally got pregnant :)
February- I told JB on the 9th that we would be parents this year... I tried to wait and surprise him on Valentines Day, but couldn't hold out. Tues, the 12th, we announced the pregnancy to our parents, my sister and my grandparents.
March- I was ready for the nausea to end!
April- Our friends Lance & Vanessa had their second baby boy. He was my first pregnancy to go through as the "head" midwife (something we have to do to complete our training). This was such an honor because not only do we love this family, but I had been at their first birth in the hospital and got to take them through this pregnancy and welcome #2 at home. JB & I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary on the 26th.
May- Had our first twin birth at the birth center, it was a CRAZY busy month with births!
June- We enjoyed a wonderful babymoon in Hawaii, I got to see my first twin homebirth and breech homebirth
July- We celebrate the 1 year anniversary of our birthing center
August- My wonderful friend, Danielle, and her mom threw me an amazing baby shower- we are so blessed to be surrounded by such incredible friends! I had a pretty bad car wreck and was so grateful for the Lord's protection over me and Harper
September- I took maternity leave, moved into our new house, celebrated my 26th birthday, prepared for Harper's arrival, and completed the last birth I needed for my midwifery training
October- I went into labor on the 19th and we experienced the best day of our lives on the 20th, welcoming Harper Joseph into the world with a wonderful homebirth. He meets JB's parents, grandmother, cousin & sister.
November- Marcy & my grandparents meet Harper for the first time. We host Thanksgiving at our house. Harper attends his first birth.
December- Harper attends his second birth (and almost third :( ), we take our first car trip as a family of 3, packing a lot more stuff w/ us, to see Marcy graduate from Tech! We celebrate our first Christmas as 3! JB turns 28. Mom & Dad celebrate 30 years of marriage!! Millie, my childhood dog, dies at 9 years old :(. We bring in 2009 as a family of 3 (me nursing Harper and missing the countdown :)
Happy 2009, Thank-you Lord for blessing us so richly in 2008!!!

Daily Lessons...

2008-12-30T22:39:00.000-08:00

"The world is not a playground; it is a schoolroom. Life is not a holiday, but an education." Henry Drummond (from his sermon "The Greatest Thing in the World" thx Delia!)

This quote really stopped me when I read it. It's so simple, but incredibly profound I think. I've realized that most of the time when I'm complaining about a situation I'm in or the way something doesn't turn out "perfect", or how God is constantly taking me through the same lessons over and over.....my perception and my focus is really off or shifted. I forget that God cares more about our holiness than our happiness. I lose sight of the fact that everything doesn't always work out like its supposed to just because I'm me and that's what I think should happen. I forget that everything is not about winning & losing or surpassing every goal I set for myself or the people close to me. When I get in that place and I'm frustrated or beat down, God reminds me that it's all about one thing: HIM!!!

Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Notice how it doesn't say, "In most of your ways acknowledge Him..." or "In the good times acknowledge Him...", or "In your toughest times acknowledge Him.." It says "In ALL your ways..." I can't tell you how hard that is for me!! I know I'm probably the only one struggling with this, but God doesn't want me in pieces...HE WANTS IT ALL!!!
So it's all about Him. Doing everything I do to the glory of my Father and then being ok, excited even, and ultimately completely at peace with the end result....because it has nothing to do with me. I'm beginning to think that sometimes God doesn't get the most glory by me always being 1st at everything, or always outdoing the guy next to me. I'm learning that my attitude and the passion with which I love His people, in EVERY circumstance, brings Him more glory and honor, even if I'm not #1 at the end of the day.
I'm a very Type A, full steam ahead, nothing gets in my way kind of guy (high five feltsdia!!) But lately God has been teaching me to ask Him before I jump into things and wait on His direction, guidance, and peace to reveal to me how I may better serve Him and therefore glorify Him in every situation.
So life is an education. God teaches me something every day, but I must first seek Him and listen with a willing and open heart to receive His instruction and to act on it.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (Matthew 6:33)

My constant prayer lately..... "Less of me Father, and more of You"

JB

Understanding my role....

2008-12-28T15:16:00.000-08:00

This past year has been a lesson for me on the importance of my role and how important the man is in the structure of the marriage, the family, the business, and every other structure God has created. God has been refining me and rebuilding me (isn't He doing that to us all?!?), especially since Cindy and I got married.

Ephesians 5:25 says "Husbands, love your wives as Christ has loved the church, and gave himself up for her.

But the next verse is really awesome and we leave it out all the time, verse 26 says: "to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word."

But in order to love my wife the way God is calling and leading me to there is one thing that gets in the way and prevents this from happening.....SELFISHNESS. In order to love her as Christ loved the church, I have to be selfless. I lived by myself the entire time I was in college. I had the opportunity to move in with a couple different sets of guys, but like doing my own thing all the time so I stayed by myself through undergrad and grad school. So when I married Cindy and we got an apartment together in Dallas, needless to say it was a huge adjustment for me because I was so used to thinking only about myself all the time. The same thing happened when Cindy graduated and started working in the office with me. I had already been out practicing for about a year and a half and so I had always just done everything I wanted to do, because I was the only person in the office so when she joined me, I had to adjust to not being the only doctor in the office anymore. Even more so lately since we've had Harper. Both of us have had to adjust because now it's not just about us anymore!! Someone told me not so long ago that the reason God doesn't just show you everything you need to know or change you all at once was because if He did you couldn't handle it and now I understand that alot better. I'm glad He teaches us in steps and leads us down the path He has for us as slow or as fast as we require to understand Him and give Him total control.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

The problem with our entire culture is that we've been fed a lie that says the opposite of this verse. The world we live in tells us to do everything for ourselves and let others take care of their own problems. It says to look out for "numero uno" and not to worry about anyone else. But that's not what God wants from us at all. The love that God has for us and wants for us to have for others is totally dependant upon us putting others before us and putting ourselves second in every situation.
So I'm learning my role. My role as a husband, as a father, as a boss, and as a friend. And in each situation, God's teaching me to be self-less. With Cindy and Harper that means that I may not get to go do some of the things I had on my schedule that I thought I would because I need to take them somewhere or need to take care of Harper for Cindy so she can get some stuff done. As a boss I have to always think of myself second when I ask the employees to do something for me. As a friend, I'm trying to be here and be available and not always be the one to need favors or try and keep up with my friends better and not be the one who never calls. Sometimes I get convicted that I'm so busy all the time that I let down in one or all of these areas so I'm trying to work on that some to be able and balance my schedule a little more.
As a man though, I think me take our role and the importance of our support for our wives and kids lightly. And I'm learning more and more how vital the selflessness and unconditional love and support is from us as guys. It's convicting and scary, but challenging and exciting all at the same time.
I think a good gauge for how selfless you are is who you actually think about before you do something, or who you think about when you're setting up your schedule.....are you the first person you think about?? Or someone else? Something to think about I guess.

JB

Toxicity and Purification

2008-12-21T07:30:00.000-08:00

For the past 3 weeks I've been going through a "21 Day Purification Program" to cleanse my vital organs and repair my digestive system. Why did I do it between the hollidays??? Because I was tired of not feeling 100% and was ready to. Cleanses are never easy even though they offer enormous benefits. I've lost a little over 20 lbs, I have more energy, I can think clearer, the list goes on and on. But while I was on the cleanse God was showing me how me cleansing physically is exactly what He's been doing with me over the past few months spiritually.
There are so many parallels. With a detox program, your goal is to get rid of all the things in your body that are not good for it so that you can put good things back in to improve the health of your body. Isn't that exactly what we do when God leads us through a spiritual cleanse?? We're looking inside to see the things that are not healthy for our spiritual body and "detoxing" them, giving them to God, so that He can replace them with the things of Him.
The Bible has this to say about cleansing:
2Cr 5:17
Therefore, if anyone [is] in Christ, [he is] a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
This is talking about detoxing the "old person" that was you and becoming a "new person" in Christ. All the "old things" have passed away and ALL things have become new.
So where do toxins come from anyway?? Physically we can become toxic from eating food that isn't good for us like fried food, fast food, processed food, artificial sweeteners, sodas, medications, etc. The environment is a big source of physical toxins as well. Things like: tap water, pollution in the air, cigarrette smoke in public, household cleaners, perfumes and makeups, and deodorants can all add to our toxic load and we don't even realize it. These things build up in our detox organs like our liver, kidneys, and lungs and begin to cause dysfunction (bad changes) in our body that can lead to decreased function in our body or eventually....disease and sickness.
Spiritually, toxicity happens the exact same way. We think thoughts or have attitudes that pollute our hearts and minds and make it impossible to hear God's voice to begin with and make it even harder to carry out his instructions. How many times do we neglect to help someone else because of self pitty, or because of bitterness over past circumstances, or because of un-forgiveness???
Phl 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things
The bible also says that "As a man thinketh in his heart...so is he." Prov 23:7. It all starts with our minds and what we think about all day long and what we meditate on. Toxic thoughts turn into toxic attitudes, and toxic attitudes turn into toxic actions. Everything that goes into our minds either from what we read, what we watch, what we hear, or the people that we associate with has an impact on us and it can either lift us up and make us better, or it is going to make us more toxic and tear us away from the will of God.
Cleansing is not fun and it is not comfortable, physically or spiritually. But the reward on the other side of being able to function better and accomplish more in our physical body or in our spiritual walk with Jesus far outweighs the cost.
Have you cleansed lately??
JB

On The Other Side

2008-12-14T18:37:00.000-08:00

Being pregnant and becoming a mother has been such an incredible blessing and eye opening experience; so much so, that it is hard to express with words. I feel like I understand so much more; and, eventually, when I go back to practice I feel like this experience will make me a much better doctor and caretaker. Even though I have worked with moms through these experiences for years, it's like they say- it is TOTALLY different when you experience it first and and walk in these shoes...

One thing that has surprised me and aggravated me more than expected is the experience of nursing around other people- whether in public or in my own home. Because of this, I am so appreciative of my friends- the O'Briens- for doing the NIN Project, something I look forward to participating in with Harper. You can watch it at http://www.mothering.com/interactive/mothering-media/mothering-media-archives.html (scroll down to the "NIN Project"). I know friends and patients who have either chosen to not breastfeed their children or have stopped nursing sooner than expected because of our cultural perception and what others think is normal or not. However, I did not expect our culture and people's opinions to affect me as much as they have when it comes to nursing.

It all started at my baby showers, actually. I received several versions of what is known as a "Hooter Hider". Most people who have children or are around women who do, know what this is. And, I can not tell you how many times I have heard, "That is the neatest invention, I wish I had had one of those!" I politely smile at every person who says this to me, but honestly, I hate them! However, I do use mine religiously because it is just one of those things that I do- like many others do too- to conform to society and be respectful of people's feelings around me. Babies are not too fond of them either- notice how they kick around and try to move them out of their way when old enough to do so? It blocks their view of trying to bond with their mom and take in the world around them. And, seriously, we come up with an invention that is a major seller to hide something that is totally normal that we should be unashamed of?! Not to mention we give it this hidious, trashy name... Such is our culture! Then, I can not tell you how many times I have heard different versions of this same story any time La Leche League meetings come up associated with nursing conversations: "I went to one of those groups because I was the first in my family to nurse. It was all I could do to compose myself because you have all these 5 yr. old kids walking up and lifting their mom's shirts to nurse- ugh!" And this one is classic, at one shower this lady that I had just met walked up to me and my mom. She was wearing poor fitting clothes that revealed a decent amount of herself. I only say this because I laughed about her attire after she shared her story. When Harper was acting hungry, she starts in, "Yeah, I was at the grocery store this one day, and this lady was walking around nursing her baby under a blanket and her stomach was totally showing. I just can't believe people do that in normal places like the grocery store- yuck!" To which I responded- well if your child nurses for half an hour about every hour, you are forced to nurse on the go sometimes otherwise you would never go anywhere or get anything done.

Truthfully, I did not expect breastfeeding to be such a sacrifice or as time consuming as it has been. For instance, when Harper was trying to bring in my milk, he nursed non-stop for 13 hours straight. I am not joking or exagerating, ask JB! I thought my life was over... However, even though it is hard at times (it has gotten easier and become a more normal part of my life), I am very grateful for the experience. Like the fact that sometimes I am the only one who can comfort my son. I have the perfect food for him at the perfect temperature, ready at all times. I am decreasing my chances of illness and his and increasing both of our chances of health and wellness by choosing to nurse exclusively! His diapers don't stink. It forces this A-type personality to slow down, sit down and make my son my number one priority, letting everything else go. And best of all, nursing is often the perfect excuse to leave any situation I want out of. Ha! Thank goodness for awesome, encouraging moms and friends who make it easier because it has been hard enough! I had one patient/friend/mentor email me something that JB and I still smile and laugh about. It was the perfect word and came at the perfect time. She reminded me of Psalms 22:9- "Yet You are He who brought me forth from the womb; You made me trust when upon my mother's breasts." Telling me to remember that Harper was learning to trust the Lord everytime I nursed him; I am a part of teaching him this! Then she joked about how she told her husband one day, "I am never going to be able to wear a shirt again!" I did not even realize I had felt that way, but boy had I ever! Despite all the encouragement, I have been met by plenty of opposing opinions. Even those who are in support of nursing often do not seem very happy that you are nursing around them. Like when I walked into the nursing room at church the other night. I laughed to myself at a room full of women all very diligently using their Hooter Hiders. Seriously?! Hooter Hiders in a room full of nursing women?! First of all, we all have them- boobs or hooters I mean- and second of all we were all using them to feed our children... Meaning you honestly think I have time to stare at you when I am trying to feed my child?! Pathetic culture of ours! Then there is my poor dad, who I told after he commented several times on how uncomfortable my nursing made him, that he was just going to have to get used to it if he was going to be around us. He quickly realized I was right, since it seems this is all we do these days; and now he sits around like it's just normal- because it is! But, I still have other family members who simply walk out of the house when I nurse. Oh well, we spend too much time doing it to have to go to another room everytime we have to eat! And, then there is my precious mom, haha! When we were out shopping at Southlake, she freaked out that I might get arrested because I had to nurse in the park and had forgotten my hider in the car. I informed her that it is the law that a woman can legally nurse anywhere she is allowed to be. At my sister's graduation the other day, she kept re-arranging my hider because she was nervous that the guys behind us were trying to gawk at my breasts. And, she is constantly telling her friends that everyone in the metroplex has seen my boobs because I just "don't care who sees them". I constantly remind her that it really doesn't matter because they don't look like mine and aren't really mine anymore anyway! She is extremely supportive of me nursing Harper, but all of the things she says and does just remind me of how abnormal and uncomfortable our culture has made this NORMAL process. UGH! Also, we recently played Joseph, Mary and baby Jesus at my dad's church in the Christmas Play. I can not tell you how many times I heard the joke of Mary "having to pull a Janet Jackson on stage if Jesus got hungry."

One of my favorite reminders of what an awesome Creator we serve is breastfeeding. Did you know that when a baby latches on to its mother's breast, the baby's saliva tells the mom's body exactly what milk to make for the baby? This fact just gives me chills! God did such an incredible job when He knit our bodies together! In other words, each feeding the milk is different because the baby's needs are different. Sometimes it may need more fat and other times more protein. This is why the same mom can nurse a newborn and a toddler and both will get exactly what he/she needs- NOT the same milk but the perfect recipe for that specific child at that time from the same breast! God created the saliva to tell the mom's breast what the baby is ready for and needs. Pumping, pacifiers and/or formula can NOT come close to doing that! Why do we try to run so far from what we have been created for?!

So this is my soap box to say I have now experienced it firsthand, and it drives me crazy and makes me so sad to live in this culture that shuns normalcy and health. I should not be made to feel so bad about something that I am created to do for the benefit of my family. I mean the fact that a girl can walk in a the room scantly clad, revealing more of her body than I would ever dream of revealing, and I will get more judgemental looks/comments from discreetly nursing my child than her outfit will generate is insane. We could be such a healthier, happier nation if we would spend more time and money on teaching and encouraging moms to nurse rather than freely offering formula. This is a reminder to encourage moms who choose to nurse because they are getting plenty of encouragement to pop the top of the formula can and heat, shake, and serve... More blogs to come later on the wonderful formula recipe and why it is quite possibly one of the nastiest things you can give your child!

Contentment

2008-11-30T08:13:00.000-08:00

Philippians 4:11-13: "I'm not saying this because I'm in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

One of the many things God has been teaching me lately in my quiet times with him is this principle of being content. He's taught me and I've learned from his example how to be thankful in all things, good or bad, but it is an entirely different matter being content in those same situations, good or bad, in plenty or in want. For those of you who don't know me very well, I'm an all or nothing kind of guy. There's not really any shades of gray with me. But I'm also a "bigger and better" guy as well. My mind races all the time with new ideas and new things I want to do and accomplish so I'm always accomplishing one thing while planning another at the same time. At the men's retreat with Gateway Church that I went to 3 weeks ago or so, I don't know if I shared this, but God gave me a picture while I was praying and reading his word and journaling. He said (and I could see this as clear as day): "You're living your life like a shopping spree. You're rushing down every isle, pulling as many things off of the shelf as you can before they blow the whistle, trying to get to the finish-line with more things in your basket than the others." Then he said to me: "I don't want you to do that anymore. I want you to slow down and only pull the things off of the shelf that I tell you to. What's the point in having this basket full of stuff if it wasn't what I wanted for you?" Pretty heavy huh?!? See, he was showing me how I was constantly not content with where I was, or what I had, or what I was doing and I was having to do the next thing to satisfy me. But that's not what he wants for me. He wants me to accomplish more with less by only doing the things he asks me to and only going for the things he tells me to!

I think we get caught up in the monetary side of contentment: money. But this verse isn't only talking about money. Being content with the gifts given you means monetary and material gifts, sure, but it also is talking about spiritual gifts and talents as well. In the States we are always caught in this rat race to try to be like someone else. Young girls are taught they need to look like a model and be popular like the movie stars. Young boys are taught they have to be the star athlete. Moms think they have to be the everything to everyone (just like so and so's wife). And men are constantly trying to accumulate more for them and their family or are duped into thinking the more toys they have the more successful they look. It's all just a lie from the enemy!! God says that in any situation, be content and be happy with what God has blessed you with because he won't bless you with anymore until you've proved faithful with that. Satan knows that if he can get you focused on stuff and on the things you can have, you'll take your eyes off of Jesus. You start to trust in the things of this world and the possessions you have instead of the love and direction and provision of the living God. It sounds really silly when you write or read it like that but it's so true. I do it all the time and it is always a constant struggle with the flesh to not put any stock in your bank account or savings account or investments because none of it is yours anyway!!

I think it's a matter of perspective really. If we always remember that we are merely stewards of all that we have and that we don't own any of it, it's not as hard to keep from being attached to the things of life. I'm still working on this one alot and am learning daily, but when I get frustrated or feel my contentment drifting away, I remember: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!"

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T05:43:00.000-08:00

Psalm 28:7 "The LORD is my strength, my shield from every danger. I trust in him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving."

Cindy and I have alot of things to be thankful for. Yesterday morning during my quiet time I was praying and asking God his purpose for some of the difficulties we've encountered lately and have worked through and was His will is in those and one of the things He said to me was "I want to know that you'll praise me and be joyful in the hard times, as well as the good or easy times." I think it is really easy to be really thankful as long as everything is going the way we want it to or the way we've planned it out, but as soon as things start getting hard or things start to fall apart, the last thing we think to do is to be thankful or to praise Him for it. I'm just as guilty.

In Job, God allows Satan to test Job to show that his servant will continue to praise Him no matter what happens to him. After the first trial and losing all of his family, all of his servants, and most of his flocks, Job's response was: Job 1:20-21 "Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said: Naked I came from my mother's womb and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!" In all of the calamity and heartache he was going through, the very first thing Job did when the winds and the waves came was to fall on his knees and worship and bless God!! That passage totally convicted me when I was studying it because God showed me time after time that I was going through trials that as soon as it got tough, I started complaining, instead of praising!! I'm still learning and I'm still working on it, but the bible also says that "The joy of the Lord is our strength." so when I'm feeling down about a situation, it's because I haven't laid it at His feet and then left it and turned my eyes back on Him.

Today I'm going to be thankful. And when it is going really good, I'm going to be thankful, and when it's going really bad, I'm going to be thankful.

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, see what God has done. Count you blessings! Name them one by one! Count your many blessings, see what God has done!"

A fitting old hymn for today I think. Count your blessings, see everything God has accomplished and is continuing to accomplish in your life and in your family. You'll be surprised, for every one thing to complain about, there are 2 or 3 to praise him for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Fresh Start: New Lessons for a New Family

2008-11-23T15:48:00.000-08:00

You know, one of the things I was scared about when we were pregnant with Harper was the daunting task of teaching him all the things he needs to know as he grows up and the huge responsibility that teaching another person is. His entire world view and his experiences depend (at first) in large part based on how we expose him to and teach him new ideas. But I've changed my mind about that. Now, the teaching part of being a parent is the part that excites me the most.

Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Our biggest charge as parents, but also our biggest opportunity is to be able to teach our kids. We have the opportunity to teach them God's love in a real and tangible way, teach them how to learn, teach them to listen (to others, but ultimately to the Holy Spirit), teach them humility, teach them honesty, and on and on and on. And the ultimate opportunity is to be able to teach them better than we were taught as kids. I mean, that is the point isn't it?? For each generation to learn from the previous one and not to repeat their mistakes or the let their ignorance remain??

I have a great family history. I was adopted as an infant and grew up in a christian home. Every time the doors of the church were open we were there as kids all growing up. I love the chances we had as kids to see God in action and to hear the word. Yeah, no matter what happened to us, we heard the word of God on a daily basis and that (since the Word of God is living and breathing) was the most important thing. But as good as it was, our parents were just doing a little bit better than their parents before them. No one is perfect, but there are things I want to teach Harper that I wish I had been taught.

The first thing I want Harper to experience and to learn, by my words and seeing it backed up by my actions is unconditional love. I want him to learn that my love is not contingent on him being an all-american at anything, or winning the state championships 3 years in a row, or making it to the regional or state competition in literary events, or making the game-winning free-throw. My love for him is based on the fact that he is my son, that is it, and that is enough. And because he is my son, my flesh and blood (remember the blood covenant feltsdia??) that binds me to him forever and nothing could get in the way of my love and pride for him.

The second thing I want him to learn from Cindy and I is unconditional love for others. I want him to understand that just because someone else is any different than he is: different color of their skin, drive a different car, go to a different church, dress in different clothes, speak a different language, have a different opinion than him, that that doesn't make him better or worse than them....just different, and that is perfectly fine!! I want him to love people because Christ loved every person he ever met, Satan included! When Jesus was asked by the Sadducees which of the commandments was the greatest he said: "The most important one is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:29-31) Isn't it interesting that God's two favorite commandments have to do with love for Him, and then love for others?!? Where in that verse does it say to "Love others as yourself, as long as they look like you.", or "Love others as yourself, as long as they have money.", or "Love others as yourself as long as they think like you." IT DOESN'T!!! I want Harper to show God's love to other people freely, no matter who they are!!

The last thing (for this post anyway) I'm excited to teach him is proper stewardship and respect for money. I want him to know that his identity is in Jesus, NOT in how much money is in his bank account, or how expensive his clothes are, or what car he drives. I want to teach him that money never fixes money problems, and what's the point of having money if you can't share it with people who need it??? I want him to understand that the role of money is to allow you the opportunity to spread the gospel to those who are less fortunate. All money is the Lord's and is a blessing, but is also a huge responsibility to take care of it correctly. I want him to learn how to do that early. It took me well into college doing my own studying to really understand how God felt about money and I've made plenty of mistakes along that road that I want to keep him from.

This post is kind of lengthy, I know, but God started showing me areas I was going to be able to fill in the gaps for Harper that I had to fill in myself so I wanted to share. I've got other lessons in my head He's lining up for me to teach Harper, but I'll share those later.

Everyone makes mistakes, and there are no perfect parents....but our children are too important to not give them our best.

Choose to Encourage!

2008-11-21T15:56:00.000-08:00

I was so humbled yesterday in the office and it was by (of course, of all people) one of my little kids who comes in to the office. I swear I learn more from the kids in the office about life and treating others than I ever have doing anything else. This little girl isn't even one of my official patients. Her mom is pregnant and comes to me for prenatal care and is using one of the midwives next door and her daughter just happens to come with her each time she gets adjusted. I make it a point to talk to her on every visit and have worked on getting to know the little girl even though I'm not seeing her. I love the kids more than anybody (no offense to the rest of you!) because they are so uninhibited!! They say what they think, they get well super fast because they don't realize they aren't supposed to do that ;), and they're just real. Cindy says I get along with them so well because I'm on their brain wavelength!! They just think I'm a really big version of them!
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I had to deal with alot of issues coming up in business (we'll just leave it at that) and work through some bookkeeping housecleaning things I needed to tackle and was in a thoroughly depressed mood before I got to the office yesterday afternoon to see patients (owning your own business means you have to do the things you love AND the things you hate/I love patients, but hate to deal with business). I was ready to throw in the towel and go get a teaching job at the college and see a handful of patients out of our house and just be done with it!! I just felt like I was about to crack. So I prayed my heart out before I started so that I wouldn't bleed all over patients as I began my afternoon and felt a little relief but was just down overall. A couple hours into my day, still acting happy, and feeling beat down, this little girl walked up to Mae (our secretary) at the front desk and said, "Is Mr. Doctor Jim Bob here??". Mae told her I was with a patient so she thought about that for a minute and said, "Ok, well, could you give him this for me?" and proceeded to pass Mae a note to give me. This little girl is about 8-9 years old and we have had some great (and hilarious) conversations during her mom's visits. Mae catches me as soon as I walk out of the room with one of my new patients and smiling, gives me the note from this little girl (we'll call her "Susie"). "Susie" had made me a fold out card that she had written my name is big bubble letters in the middle of the page and all around it had written words to describe me. She put all these incredibly nice things all over the page about how nice I am, funny, a good doctor, patient, and all these words covering the page. She even drew a little picture of me explaining how a spine works to her just like I did in the office for her during one of their visits. In that moment God said, "See...this is why I have you doing this. Stay focused, trust in me, and never give up." It totally turned my day around and I zipped around the office like I was high on caffeine or something (my usual self!).
My whole day (and the day for dozens of patients after that) totally changed because this little girl chose to be an encourager. And to think, encouragement is one of my gifts that I'm called to use, and this girl blessed me more than anything by using my own gift back on me! It made me think about all the times I think great things about the people around me and then let the moment pass and don't actually tell them. People need to hear those things. They need to hear that you think the world of them, or that they are a great friend, a good listener, an excellent mother, a worthy father, a loyal son, a beautiful daughter, a wise brother, and all the other things that you feel about them. Why hold that back and miss blessing them or yourself?? So for the rest of that day I encouraged everyone else I had on my schedule and determined to tell each of them something positive about themselves while they were there so that they would feel better about themselves when they left than when they came. And you know what?? When I do that, I benefit more than they do! God heaps blessings on you when you dole them out to other people. In 2 Tim 1:3, Paul is writing to Timothy and he says, "Timothy, I thank God for you--the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers." He made a point to write to encourage Timothy to help him on path that God had him on that Paul had helped establish. One of the enemy's biggest tools to get us to sit on the bench and get out of the game is discouragement. The weapon that God has given us to use liberally and freely is the opposite of that: ENCOURAGEMENT!!!. So find someone who needs encouragement and throw some their way, you'll be amazed how much better you feel when you tell someone else how much you think of them.

JB

Keeping it Simple

2008-11-19T04:09:00.000-08:00

I don't know why as humans this is so hard for us (especially me). Everything we do we try to make so difficult and hard to accomplish that we set ourselves up for failure every time. If you really think about it, we do it with almost everything. Take our health for example. I have patients almost daily who come in looking for this grand scheme I'm going to cook up for them to re-claim their health and bring them back from the black hole they've dug themselves in and help to get them back on the right track. What they normally find is that the things I recommend are very very simple like "Drink more water!". And alot of the time they act like, "That's it?!? I spend all this time here and pay money for you to tell me I need more water?!?" And they act annoyed that what I'm suggesting is so easy. But in our quest to search out and conquer the "impossible" tasks daily when it comes to our health, we forget the basics. We forget that we need at least half our body weight in ounces of water a day (as a minimum!) just to stay properly hydrated (that increases with exercise). We don't even notice that as we're hectically rushing around, we're not breathing at all and our oxygen levels are dangerously low, causing headaches, muscle pain, and heart irregularities. We get so busy that we eat anything that is convenient for the day and forget that our bodies were created perfectly to require certain foods to sustain good health and without these foods, we will begin to get sick and have symptoms we don't normally have.
Isn't this the same thing we do with our relationship with God?? I know I do.. We act like, and are taught alot of times, that the Christian life and a life lived for God is very complex and so hard to figure out that we feel like we need a seminar degree to understand our calling. We get so busy in our normal lives that we forget the most important thing every day is to constantly be in prayer. We get frustrated because we can't hear God, but then we never actually pray and then allow time to listen! When we do pray and ask God what we need to do with a particular struggle we have, sometimes the answer seems too simple. Recently I was trying to discern if I needed to change a couple procedures in the office and if I needed to get more in depth on a couple of our protocols or not. So as I was praying about it and really seeking God over what I needed to do, He answered me and said, "Just love the people I send you." And I said the same thing I hear people say to me everyday, "That's it?!?" And He said, "Yes, that's it, and it is more than enough." So that's what I've set out to do every day, and you know....people are getting better and I'm happier. Amazing how that works when you say "Yes" to Him and allow His will to be at the forefront of your mind constantly.
So I'm trying to go back to the basics with my walk with the Lord. I'm praying, I'm reading, I'm journaling, and I'm listening for the next thing He has for me to do. Sometimes I hear specific things when the patient comes in, something specific for them. When I don't....I just love them, and let God take care of the rest.

JB

"Freedom!!!"

2008-11-17T18:08:00.000-08:00

Finally!! I've been pleading with God, asking Him for the past few weeks/months what this constant heaviness has been on my heart and why I couldn't jump to the next step in my relationship with Him. Don't get me wrong, the past few weeks have been incredible, and He's been showing me so many things, but I just felt like I was right on the bubble and couldn't figure out how to "pop" through to the next level. I just got back from the "Alpha Excursion", a men's retreat through Gateway Church where we attend. I, along with 270 other men from the church drove out to Tanglewood Resort on Lake Texoma Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for some insanely incredible worship, annointed preaching & teaching, and some much needed quiet time with my awesome God. God had been begging me to "be still" and spend actual quiet time with Him and that's exactly what I did this weekend.

I had been really stressed out lately and just not satisfied or happy with the way things were going. Not happy with my prayer life, the office, my roles here at the house, any of it. Harper wasn't sleeping good all week so I was exhausted, my poor wife was wiped out and frustrated and I just just genuinely wore out. It's amazing how God will take you to the breaking point to get you on your knees to really have you rely completely on Him to be able to receive the word He has for you. Brady Boyd, pastor of New Life Church in Colorado Springs, CO. was there and preached 2 of the 4 sessions. The first night Brady talked about the fact that as christians we have to be alert (1 Peter 5:8) and be ready to deal with whatever comes our way. To be alert we have to know how to pray, and to continue to pray in all occasions (Ephesians 6:18). That verse in Ephesians talks about praying in the Spirit on all occasions, and until recently I really didn't know what that meant. I've been praying for God to teach me and to open my heart and mind to all He has for me, and I'm seeing new things He's designed for us to be able to experience Him in a more personal and deeper way.

In his second session, Pastor Brady talked about the Lord as our Shephard and what that means. He talked about all of us being on a path and the Lord being our shephard and guiding us down that path and that even when we venture off the path, He doesn't get angry with us, He's excited when He finds us and restores us unto Himself. He constantly looks and searches for the "one lost sheep". We dug into the 23rd Psalm and looked at the depth of what "The Lord is my Shephard" means. For alot of us, and especially me, our worst enemy is ourselves. Satan doesn't have to work very hard to knock us off course because we're so unfocused in the first place. Self-reliance is the hall-mark of our culture and our generation and it can be a good thing, but when it comes to our relationship with God it is what keeps us from total dependancy and trust in Him and His leading. We talked about how we're all on a path, and even though we think we've got it figured out and thing we know where we're going, God is who directs our steps and determines our course, no matter what we originally thought (Proverbs 16:9).

Pastor Tom Lane (Executive Pastor of Gateway Church) continued on Saturday night talking about emotions and how we should express them, and how we can express them in a healthy way. Then Sunday morning (after the most intense worship session I thing I've ever experienced), Pastor Bobby Bogard (pastor at Gateway Church) hit us hard with a message on condemnation and how as men we are the best at beating ourselves up. But God is not a God of condemnation, but of forgiveness and unconditional love (Romans 8:1-2). And it hit me!! God totally let the scales fall off of my eyes to see what He'd been seeing all along: Most of my life I've been so concerned with trying to prove myself to everyone around me with the accomplishments of my hands and the conquests I've had and have carried around so much guilt that I wasn't ever doing enough. I grew up always thinking that no matter what I did, no matter how many medals I won, or how many championships I won, or how many honors I received, that it was never good enough and that the bar was always a little higher than I could reach. Satan used the talents God gave me to imprison me into thinking that it mattered to God how much I did and it mattered to God how much I accomplished. But in that moment God reached down and cradled my face in that service and said, "Son, I'm proud of you and I love you no matter what you've ever done, or no matter what you ever do again. You could never do anything to make me not love you or to make me love you more. You are a trophy on my mantle and you are special to me." The dam built up in my heart broke and the rivers of His love rushed through me and flooded the borders of my soul. Freedom from guilt, and freedom from the bondage of accolades is one of the most fulfilling and joyful things I've ever felt. That morning I started the process of letting go of all the guilt and all the unforgiveness in my heart that I had stored up against other people and against myself for the past 20+ years. I know it will be a process, but I feel so free now that it will continue to get better.

God is a God of love, unconditional love.....open up your arms and open up your heart and receive it!

"Oh, be careful little mouth what you say..."

2008-11-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

"For the Father up above is looking down in love, oh be careful little mouth what you say..." How many of us sang this song as kids or have taught it to their children, but don't think about the meaning behind the words and practice this themselves. The power of the spoken word goes way beyond what people understand.
Let's look at just the neurology (brain chemistry) behind speech and what you say and how it effects you. The things that you say to or about other people and the speech you use with yourself trains your brain on a daily basis on how you want it to think about any and every topic you deal with. When you think about something (like a particular person) your brain is like a filing cabinet, it opens the drawer related to this person, pulls out the file with their name on it, reads it and says.."Ohhh yes, we don't like this person for this or that", it closes the file and sends a signal back down to the front of your brain and then you have a reaction or a response to seeing or hearing this person. This reaction happens with every single thought about every single thing every single second of every single day. Every second you have 3 trillion bits of information coursing through your brain, 3 TRILLION!!! The brain is processing everything you do and everything you and those around you are saying and is storing a memory to that. Here in lies the problem. The amazing and scary thing about your brain is that it is moldable. You can alter what you think about a certain topic or person, for good or for bad. And the body doesn't know the difference between you saying something to yourself and hearing someone else talk about themselves or something else around you. So grandma's old addage "You are who you hang around.." is neurologically correct. You will implant nerve synapsis based on the ways people are talking around you. So if you're around someone who says that they themselves are ugly, and dumb, and no good at anything, and talks negative about pretty much everything, your brain doesn't know the difference between them talking about them, and them talking about you...so it assumes that's how you feel about you. When I used to travel and shoot professionally, my mental coach (ex-olympic gold medalist in rifle shooting) used to tell me that for every negative thought you had, you had to tell yourself 5 postive thoughts to reverse it. Negativity is POWERFUL!! Satan likes nothing better than for God's people to do nothing. And the quickest way to do that is to have them feeling so down about themselves and about each other and to talk to each other about it and to feel more and more depressed that they don't feel like witnessing or ministering to anyone!!
In James it talks about the power of the tongue and how it is like the rudder on a ship, a "small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire." James 3:5-6. The smallest things we say without thinking can really wreck a person's life....
With a new son I was laughing with Cindy the other day, but everyone always freaks out about someone smoking around their kids, or cussing, or something blatant, but then they'll let someone sit there and speak negative, discouraging things over them or someone else and we don't do a thing about it. The body can detox the cigarette smoke, but it takes alot of work to get over what someone says to you.
So be deliberate in what you say or what you allow others to say to you or about you. Because what you say is a "small spark that can set a great forest ablaze...".

JB

Harper's Newborn Photo Session

2008-11-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

We went to see Marquette at Simple Treasures Photography on Halloween morning for Harper's newborn photo shoot. Unfortunately, he was not a happy baby like he is most mornings. Of course because mommy really needed him to be happy! I'm sure my stress level was not helping his. But, Marquette is amazing, and she managed to get some incredible pics despite my little boy's attitude. Please contact her for your family's photography needs, you won't be disappointed. Love you, Marquette!! Here is what she blogged about our session:

And my newest Baby Plan member...Baby 'H'...he is gorgeous...just like his mommy!!!

"Godly Leadership"

2008-11-04T19:09:00.000-08:00

As I was reading back through one of my journals tonight, I came across a comparison study I did between the leadership style of David vs the leadership style of Saul. What really interested me alot was that Saul was chosen by God to be Israel's first King. Up to this point they had not had a King at the head of their people...they had the prophets and the judges. But after complaining enough God gave them what they wanted, a king to rule them. He hand-picked Saul to be the first king, but somewhere in the middle something happened and he took his hand off of Saul and brought David to the front where he was called , "A man after God's own heart." So what happened to Saul?? And made him that much different from David?

Saul was doing great as King for awhile because he was following God's lead and Samuel's advising. But in 1 Sam 13, it talks about Saul becoming impatient and offering a burnt offering after a battle without waiting on Samuel to arrive and offer the burnt offering himself. Because he broke God's law and did not follow Samuel's instruction, God took his blessing and his hand off of Saul and put it onto David. The way Saul reacted to Samuel's rebuke is interesting too. Instead of humbly accepting the rebuke and asking for God's forgiveness and repenting, he tries to justify what he did and tries to explain himself (1 Sam 13: 11-13). That one act of disobedience took Saul out of the running for God to establish Saul's kingdom forever. Instead he was replaced. Saul again tries to justify his sin in 1 Sam 15:20-24. When Samuel confronts him, he offers us excuses instead of pleas for forgiveness.

So what made his reactions so different from David, claimed to be a "man after God's own heart"?

Take a look at just the reaction to sin: For Saul there was always justification and excuses. But reading about David and Bathsheba in 2 Sam 11, when the prophet Nathan came and confronted David about his sin, David IMMEDIATELY confessed his sin (2 Sam 12:13). He didn't try to justify his actions or make excuses or pass the blame on someone else, he was responsible for his own mess. Saul tried to make himself look better while he sinned by covering it up under the guise of doing something "good". He was offering a sacrifice, a good thing right?? Well, not when it is performed against the law of God and without his consent. How many times do we disobey God, but do it under the banner of "doing good" to justify ourselves and help us feel better about disobeying in the first place.

David continually focused on God's will, and God's plans, where as Saul focused more on his own plans and desires before God's. At one point in scripture in 1 Sam 15:11, God actually says "I am sorry I ever made Saul King, for he has not been loyal to me and has refused to obey my command."

David was a man of forgiveness, Saul was full of bitterness and resentment. Saul became so jealous of David and God's blessings on him, that he tried to intentionally hurt him, kill him even. Even though David was his son's best friend! David on the other hand, never returned Saul's jealousy or hatred. David had two chances in the scriptures to actually kill Saul and he refused (2 Sam 24, and 2 Sam 26). Both of these passages show David as full of mercy, and full of love for a man who is trying to kill him!

It's really sad to read, but Saul had the potential to be one of, if not the greatest of God's chosen kings in all of the bible, but he threw it all away for his own wants and desires. It sounds so ridiculous when you hear it said like that, you think, "I would never do that!". But how many times do we?! How many times do we give us the blessings of God because we feel like we know what is best for us so instead of praying and waiting on God to answer us, we push forward in our own strength to do what WE feel like WE need to? Both Saul and David made mistakes, both of them sinned....but only one truly repented and truly begged for God to forgive him and immediately turned back to the Lord.....David. What a beautiful picture of potential and what happens when we allow God to have all of us and even when we mess it up, going back to him and letting him help us become better and wiser in him, vs potential totally wasted on ourselves. One of the ways the enemy likes to get to me is with my schedule. God has blessed me with alot of talents, but they are all "filthy rags" without him and when my schedule gets so crazy that I don't know which way is up, it's easy for me to forget who gave me that potential or that talent and I try to do it by myself. "Pray and then plan"....that's what he's trying to teach me....and that even when I fall: "Jesus loves me this I know..." he'll always be there to catch me.

"Jesus Loves me, this I know..."

2008-11-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

My heart is filled to overflowing and my mind is racing....."Jesus loves me this I know"....such a simple song and yet probably one of the most profound. This morning I finished my first journey through a book that for no other way to describe it yet (my mind is still reeling) has rocked my world. I just finished reading "The Shack" and if you've been on the fence about reading it and have heard people talking about it (which you probably have) then do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of it today.
I had been recommended to the book by a couple of my closest friends and mentors and also a whole slew of patients who kept coming in with it and reading it while waiting in our office to be seen. I started it this week and finished it up this morning with my breakfast.
This book is a "Paradigm Destroyer" so I wouldn't recommend reading it if you're not ready to re-think what you've been conditioned to think about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and who they are and the relationship they have with each other and with us. I love in the forward the writer says, "A couple of final disclaimers: Mack would like you to know that if you happen upon this story and hate it, he says, "Sorry....but it wasn't written primarily for you." Then again, maybe it was." Because if you read this story and refuse to really read it and look into yourself at your own story to see where you need healing, then yeah, you may hate it...because it is vvveeerrryyy convicting!
I think the thing (currently at least) that I loved the most about the book is the depiction of the relationship God desires to have with us. I've always had this weird view of God as this lofty heavenly being who sat more like a supreme court judge passing out judgements that a tender loving father who wants his children to climb into his lap and take in his mercy, love, and grace. I love the relationship it paints between God, Jesus his son, and the Holy Spirit. Being a very relational person, this part of the book made me cry because that's the exact type of God the Father that I would want, but had never thought of it that way. I had always been taught that you had to come to him in reverence and awe, and total protocol & respect when he just wants us to call him "Papa" and let him hold us and rejoice with us through the good, and help us through the bad.
The book is a wonderful depiction of forgiveness and rebirth...not of the person, but of the soul. The great thing about the forgiveness it talks about is when it says that "Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it's about remembering." It talks about how God doesn't ask us to forgive others and then forget all about what they did to us, rather he teaches us to forgive them in spite of remembering the offense clearly for what it was and choosing to forgive them anyway.
But one of the most beautiful parts of the book and one of the most meaningful to me because it is just where I'm at in my walk with the Lord right now is the illustration of the Holy Spirit ("Sarayu" in the book) and how he talks to us constantly and the ongoing dialogue we can have with him if we just listen. In the book Sarayu (Holy Spirit) promises to never leave Mack and to continually talking to him...if only he'll just keep listening. I always wondered why so many times, the things I hear the Spirit saying to me are so quiet. This weekend we had a guest speaker at Gateway, Rick Bezet, and he spoke about Forgiveness (and I swear he just finished The Shack too!!) and he said that the reason God whispers all the time is because in order to hear him you have to be still, lean in, and focus on him to hear clearly. It is an act of intimacy with us why he whispers because he desires that closeness so much from us. And to think that the God that made the entire universe and hung every star in the sky wants an intimate relationship with ME.....blows my mind. I'd never thought of it that specifically before. I've grown up in church and sang the songs, and answered the Sunday school questions, and can talk "Christian" with anyone....but have missed out until recently on owning the information. On really understanding this love...this relationship that I have with him. I may have to blog on this again because I'm still processing all of this but....I don't know...."Jesus loves me this I know..." I don't think I really knew before....but now I do....and it is blowing me away!

JB

"What are you Afraid of?"

2008-10-30T06:37:00.000-07:00

Lately God has been guiding me back through some of the old testament in my studies showing me profiles of different men and groups in the books of the old testament and pictures of how they either followed God completely (and the successes they had because of it), or how they doubted God and did their own thing (and either the failures or delayed success because of it). Isn't is interesting how you can go back and re-read the same story you've read a thousand times growing up, but God has something new for you every time?! We've talked about it in our life group that we lead and I brought up how it confused me sometimes that Jesus would "Blind their eyes to the truth" in the scriptures to keep them from seeing (like after he was crucified and walked with the disciples and they didn't know it was him); one of the wives in our group (I'll never forget this) said, "God is only going to show you what you need at that point in time, he's only going to show you what you are ready for."

I've been studying about many of the men in the bible who continually said "Yes" to God, without question, and read as God blessed them beyond belief and stood by them through it all. But I knew that there were other great men in the bible who didn't say "Yes" right away, and I wanted to know why?? So God led me back to Numbers, Joshua, and Samuel. In Numbers, the Israelites have just made it to Canaan (The "Promised Land"), the land they've gone through so much to get to that God has promised them (and led them there PERSONALLY!!). When they get to the edge, they send out 12 scouts for the 12 tribes of Israel to give a report on the land. When the 12 get back, 10 of them are so freaked out by what they saw that they are hopeless, blubbering messes about how big the people in the land are and how powerful their cities are, and on and on they go. Only 2 of the scouts, Joshua and Caleb are positive: "Let's go at once to take the land, we can certainly conquer it!" Num 13:30. Even in Exodus 3 when God appears directly in front of Moses to tell him to go to Egypt to free the Israelites....HE ARGUES WITH GOD!!! And in 1 Samuel 10, after Samuel the prophet and judge of Israel had already anointed Saul to be Israel's first King, when he called all the people together to present him to them, HE HID IN WITH THE BAGGAGE!! God himself had to tell Samuel where he was! Now these aren't small people in the Bible, these are some of the greatest names in the book! Why would they balk at God, why would they question his purpose for them, why wouldn't they move forward into the land God had already given them?? One word: FEAR. The Israelites were so afraid of the Amelekites and the Canaanites that they wanted to elect a new leader to replace Moses to lead them back to Egypt and voluntarily re-submit themselves to slavery under the pharaoh! Moses was afraid when he saw the burning bush and heard what God wanted him to do because he was afraid they wouldn't believe him when he came to Egypt and that he wasn't a good enough speaker! Saul hid from his calling (in the bags it says!) because of his fear of failure and of letting the people down. But God is not a God of fear, but of HOPE and COURAGE and TRIUMPH. At the end of Moses's life, after not seeing the promise God had made to him because of his doubt and disobedience (remember when he "struck" the rock instead of "touching" it?), he repetitively told Joshua as he handed over the torch to him to be "Strong and Courageous; for the Lord will never fail you or abandon you." He said it several times like he was re-assuring Joshua that he would be OK as long as he kept God in the front of his life, and his people.

Reading back through these really got me thinking about me. How many times have I missed out on the "Promised Land" because of Fear?? How many times have I either blatantly told God "No" or ignored him (same thing right?) because I was either afraid of what he was going to ask me to give up (remember, obedience always involves sacrifice, but sacrifice is not always obedience), or what people might think of me, or thinking I wasn't going to get to do what I wanted to do (sounds so dumb doesn't it?!?). I've learned in the past few months that my fears are no match for my God. And every time he calls me to do something, no matter how "big" or "small" it may seem to me, when the fear wells up, I hear Moses: "Be strong and courageous!" and I say "Yes" and God has taken me into new lands I didn't even know I was standing on the borders of! My borders have multiplied 100 fold, not because I'm something special, but because I'm not. I'm not the smartest guy in the room ever, or the most talented, or the strongest, or the fastest, or any of those things...but God likes the underdogs! All of those things get in the way because they make me think I can accomplish all that I want of my own strength, when what he wants is for me to be totally dependant on him.

So what are you afraid of?? Chances are, if you're that afraid, then God has something amazing planned for you, and the enemy wants you to say "no". The enemy wants you to have to wander in the wilderness for 40 years because he knows that will keep God's will at bay in your life. So say "NO" to that spirit of fear, and say "YES" to Jesus and let him lead you into your promised land and help you slay the giants in your life. It's worth it...trust me.....

"To Worry or Not To Worry"

2008-10-28T07:53:00.000-07:00

I know some of you might be shocked by this since I don't show this side of me very often, but I'm just like anyone else...I worry. I worry that now that I have a son, I want him to have it even better than I did (which is going to be pretty tough to beat!). I worry that with the election here upon us, depending on which way it swings, our taxes are going to drown our businesses. I worry about going back to work and leaving my wife here at home by herself. I worry about not being busy enough in the office to keep everything going so that we can help more people. I worry about being too busy in the office and not getting to spend the time with my patients that I really want and that they deserve. I heard a quote a pastor said one time, he said, "Big worry=Little Faith". He was talking about in Matthew 6 when Jesus is teaching about worrying, he says "Oh you of little faith..." talking about those who are worrying about everything from what they would eat, to what they would wear. And I never understood what that meant, and it actually annoyed me, until recently. The clearer and more audible I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me, the more I'm seeing the things in my life for what they are: tests and opportunities for growth and glory for my God. God has continually been teaching Cindy and I (both severe Type A personalities) to COMPLETELY surrender everything we have to him and allow him to take care of it. Cindy and I are very capable people and we think that in a tough spot (especially me) that we can just cinch our belts up a little tighter and just push right through it of our own strength and abilities. But like what Pastor Robert was teaching 2 weeks ago about stewardship, we don't own a thing, God owns it all.....including our abilities. So even the times that I've felt like, "Man, I did good on that!...Did you see me? Did you see how great I did?!?" (and those of you who know me best can totally see me saying that!! Be quiet Landis!) Even in those moments, it had nothing to do with ME, it had everything to do with HIM. He gave me the talents and abilities so even when I think I'm doing a great job....it's him. Pretty humbling isn't it?? And at first pretty scary....to think about laying down everything and giving up ALL control. For me it was even scarier I think because I'm one of the biggest control freaks I know!! My motto, I think I adopted from my Dad, has always been "If you want something done right, do it yourself!" So I would sometimes rather do everything myself and have everything crash and burn around me, and me make myself sick from the long hours and sleepless nights, just to say that success or failure....it was all ME. All the while God is watching me saying, "Soon....soon you will get to the point of complete exhaustion and all you'll have is me, and you'll let me take this burden for you....and I'll blow your mind how I'll take care of it for you!" And I finally got to that point this year (earlier in the year...late spring, early summer). One of my biggest strongholds in my life and hardest things to give up is my business/finances. God has always been faithful that no matter what happens, he's kept the accounts just where they needed to be. Well, I got in a really tough spot earlier this year and was contemplating having to sell some of the equipment!! And I felt like God (I hadn't started listening well enough yet!!) asked me to tithe double that week!! I told him that I wanted to, but that there wasn't even enough money in the account to pay the staff or the bills, let alone tithe! But I told him I would consider it and maybe next time. (CAN YOU IMAGINE!!! I WAS SO DUMB!! LOL) But that entire week God bore into my heart to give double our tithe AND he wanted Cindy and I to give 4 figures to the new building at North Richland Hills. It was so strong that I brought it to Cindy and told her what I was feeling and of course (happens every time), she confirmed what I was being told because he had told her the same thing. So probably 75% willingly (lol....good thing God takes the good and the bad..) we gave what he asked of us. We gave knowing that if God didn't come through for us (as if he ever hasn't) that we couldn't pay any of our staff and the electricity might get turned off. And that next day we had so many insurance checks come in the mail that it more than paid for everything we needed and then some!! And God has done that over and over and OVER AGAIN...but I have such a hard head I think it took me watching my incredible wife birth Harper to really finally implant this in the core of my brain that HE is in control of everything. HE is in control of my finances, HE is in control of my family, HE is in control of my staff and businesses, HE is in control of the election and the future, HE IS IN CONTROL OF IT ALL. And all I have to do (and he doesn't say it will always be peaches and cream soda) is put my trust in him and get out of my own way to let God work through us to get his will done. That doesn't mean that there aren't consequences for past mistakes, that's for sure. God is a forgiving God, but he is also a just God and he knows that allowing us to walk through some of our mistakes teaches us and makes us cling to him tighter knowing the alternative. So no, our finances aren't overflowing like the Mississippi during flood season, but they are consistent. Yes, we still struggle to make some of our bills...but some of those bills were unwise and purchases without asking God's opinion, so those are the hardest to meet (go figure). But my heart is happy and my heart is free because I'm not bound to those bills, or to those bank accounts....I'm bound to HIM and in the promises he has shown me about what he's going to do through Cindy and I and through Harper, my son. He's given me visions of what Harper will do one day as I hold him that make me cry. The other day, Cindy needed to shower, so I put Harper in a sling and I put on Kari Jobe's worship CD and we danced in the living room and worshipped God and I cried the whole time, because of the things I saw while I was there. I didn't want that CD to end, believe me.

So when you feel the worry creeping in, stop the worry and start the worship. Because in the times we are at our lowest, get ready because that is where God is going to use you the most. It is still hard for me to give it all up (because I want to be helpful... ;) but I'm getting quicker to do so....because I want all of my plans to be his plans, not mine. "Pray and then Plan" is my new motto....I'll let you know how it works out!!

"The Busy Body"

2008-10-25T09:50:00.001-07:00

Cindy and I have been so blessed since Harper's birth at the outpouring of prayer, support (food, clothes, gifts), and help we've been offered and received from friends and family. I don't put "patients" down here because we consider ALL of our patients our friends, and some of our patients are our family! As I was praying and reading the Word this morning I was just reminded of a perfect picture of the Body of Christ and what that means and what that was intended to serve: Yesterday Angie Kough brought her kids over to see Harper and Cindy (me too I guess, but I don't think I'm the main attraction!!) and to bring some clothes and a gift from the kids. The kids brought Harper a gift that I've still been thinking about since they left. Some of the mothers at James Avenue Church (now known as Convergence Church at James Ave) wanted to create some creative things for their kids to do together and also to allow them to help bless members of the church and the community...so they helped the kids begin making blankets to give as gifts. So these awesome children made Harper a blanket (super soft, with "forgiving" material ;) and Angie said that when they finished...all the kids gathered around the blanket, laid hands on the blanket and prayed over the blanket!! And they brought that blanket ("blessed blanket" we're calling it) and gave it to Harper!! I was so blown away by that simple act of kindness from the kids of parents of a church that is not even our church home, we just are blessed to have many friends that go there and that we work with in the office. When I touched the blanket, God said to me: "See, THAT is how I created the body of Christ to function....everyone blessing each other, using their gifts to glorify Me as they lift each other up." What a perfect example of how the body is soooo important to us and I think it's fitting that we're shown that by the children! The kids all drew my pictures that we have on the fridge and wanted to see him and hold him....it was very humbling. I hope that we have the chance to always bless others the way we are continually blessed.
But as incredible and awesome as that act is, Satan has a perfect tool to confuse and distract the body so that this simple, powerful act of God's love doesn't happen.....it's called BUSY-NESS. I know in my own life this is the simple arrow that the enemy keeps in his quiver that always pulls my focus off of Christ and his love and the people he's placing in my path each day to minister to. In Luke 10:38 you read the story about Martha and Mary when Jesus comes to visit. Now in the scriptures it says that Jesus "frequently visited their home" because he loved the companionship and hospitality. But at this particular visit, as Jesus is talking and teaching and probably telling great stories of their travels and just fellowshipping with the disciples....Martha is working her tail off to fix the food, clean the dishes, set the table, find the candles, clean her house, fix her make-up, fix her hair, set out the proper books for him to see, make sure the mirror had been cleaned (you know how Mary gets when she brushes her teeth!), taking out the trash, spraying Aubrey Organics Air Freshener (she new how Febreeze was bad!), and on and on and on, while Mary sat at Jesus's feet and just listened and did "nothing". Marthat gets really frustrated with Mary and even complains to Jesus (this is soo classic!) and the scripture says "interrupts them" in the Message: "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand." (Luke 10:39-40). This shows us a couple things really, 1. Martha had probably already bothered Mary more than once about helping her and she wouldn't pay her any attention since she was so focused on Jesus the entire time which is why she eventually asked Jesus to tell her because she figured if he told Mary to help her that she woul! and 2. Martha was so focused on the "stuff" around her that she had COMPLETELY forgotten who it was that she was complaining to! She was wining to the SON OF THE LIVING GOD that her sister wouldn't help her with the kitchen!!! Then Jesus says this to her: "My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42 NLT) The great thing about this passage is that Mary and Martha were BOTH serving Jesus. Martha's act of service was in the preparation of the meal and the hospitality of the visit, which is huge and is VERY important. Mary's act of service was different, it was simply sitting at the feet of her Lord and listening to him. Both were doing things for Christ, but only one of them was doing something with him. How many times do we get caught up in the process and forget about the person??? I'm speaking to myself on this one more than anyone because if you know me, you'll know that I'm a workaholic. Not in a "I hate to be home so I'll work to death" kind of way, more in a "God has blessed me and I want to do as much as I can so I'm going to work from dawn to dusk to get it all done" as if God can't expand time to allow me to get more done in less time if I'd just give it to him instead of trying to accomplish it all in my own strength. Man, sometimes you wonder how God doesn't pull his hair out with us because we can be so dumb!! So don't forget about Jesus in the middle of all this service. And thank God for the Body of Christ to be able to rely on in times like these: good and bad, sickness and health, prosperity and poverty, succes and failure, happy or sad, encouraged or discouraged, mountain or valley. In all these times, the body is God's hands to reach out to each of us.
"...sometimes my world gets filled with so much noise that my heart gets pulled away but i find my peace in you and if i seek, i will find a treasure in you that time can't take away.." Kari Jobe "Sanctuary"

Listen and Obey

2008-10-24T06:52:00.000-07:00

Psalm 128 Says: "How joyful are those who fear the Lord-all who follow his ways! You will enjoy the fruit of your labor. How joyful and prosperous you will be! Your wife will be like a fruitful grapevine, flourishing within your home. Your children will be like vigourous young olive trees as they sit around your table. That is the Lord's blessing for those who fear him. May the Lord continually bless you from Zion. May you see Jerusalem prosper as long as you live. May you live to enjoy your grandchildren. May Israel have peace!"

Last fall sometime, Pastor Robert (our senior pastor at Gateway Church) preached a sermon on "How to hear God". He always talks about having conversations with God (Holy Spirit) as if they're sitting next to each other and just gabbing away. That fascinated and excited me, because Pastor Robert talked about how anyone could hear the Spirit as clearly as that if they do one simple thing: Listen and Obey. I was raised in a very traditional Southern Baptist Church. I had an amazing childhood so I'm not complaining, but it's just a fact that the Baptist Church doesn't teach or talk about the Gifts of the Spirit or about actually talking to the Holy Spirit that much so I had not been exposed to this until we went to Gateway. Pastor Robert said that the Spirit is continually speaking to all of us, but only some are actually listening, and even fewer are listening and obeying what they hear. He said that the Spirit will speak to you, very quietly, and if you listen and obey...then he'll speak to you again, but get a little louder. Then if you listen and obey, he'll speak again, even louder this time...and on and on...until eventually you'll be audibly having conversation with the Holy Spirit. I so wanted this and prayed and sought the Lord over this and asked for this very thing...but heard nothing. I heard nothing for months actually and got really frustrated (some of you know this story already so DON'T RUIN IT!!). A few months ago Cindy and I were candidates in a prophetic service for small group leaders at Gateway (if you're not familiar, leaders in the church who are gifted in the prophetic pray over you and then give you any word that the Lord has for you and they prophecy over you). In the service, one of the ladies who was a leader in our group (gifted in the prophetic) said to me..."You need to listen to your wife, as if she's the Holy Spirit.".....and........I said....."Ok". But left thinking "That's nice, but I listen to my wife pretty good...so...no big deal". For months I was still frustrated in my quiet times and in not hearing the Spirit but I kept hearing that woman's voice in my head every time I would pray or read scripture, "Listen to your wife as if she's the Holy Spirit". So finally (and those of you who know me well won't be surprised by this at all lol) I made God a deal. I said, "Fine, God. I'm going to prove you wrong. I'm going to say "Yes" to Cindy on anything she tells me that is different from what I was already going to do even if it is as simple as what shirt to wear that day, and I'm going to prove to you that she's not always right!" So I did, I started saying "Yes" to my wife and following her counsel to the "T" and guess what?? I've started hearing the Spirit so clearly sometimes I think another person is in the room with me! The blessings God has poured out on us since that time have been too many to number and some of them you wouldn't believe me if I told you. Which brings me to my point: Listen and Obey. Listening is the easier part by far. We all can say, "Sure I listen to God"...but how many of us (myself included) are actually following through with what he's asking of you? Our God is a just God, and he's a loving God, but he also is a selfish God: he will NOT share glory with anyone or anything. That includes your family, your job, your money, your talents....none of it. And it's been hard lesson for me to come to the point of telling God "sorry" for not giving him back 100% all the time of what he's given me. Last week Pastor Robert talked about the fact that God gave us EVERYTHING that we have. Everything we own, every talent or ability, every friend, EVERYTHING we have is a direct result of God working in our lives. So we don't own anything, we're stewards. We are just holding all of this for him and are supposed to be improving it and sharing it with other people. Here's a perfect example of opportunities he'll throw at you if you're listening. Last summer Cindy and I went to Panera for breakfast one morning. Cindy wanted to sit out on the patio (which she never does) so we got our food/drink and went out on the patio. Now I have really bad hearing (from shooting shotguns professionally for almost 20 years, and 5 sets of tubes in my ears). When we sat down, about 3 tables over there were two women, one older, one alot younger talking. As I was eating, I could hear every word they were saying. The older one says, "But you can't kill this baby, that would be murder, God wouldn't want that, couldn't you just give it away?!?", and the younger replied, "I just couldn't go through 9 months and then give it away, I have to get rid of it" Now one thing you may not know about me is that I'm adopted, and my birth mom contemplated aborting me but one of my family members (Grandmother I think,dont' ask why) talked her out of it and talked her into putting me up for adoption instead. So Cindy says to me, "Can you hear them", and I told he I could and she said, "You have to go say something!!!" I sat there a sec and drug my feet and then felt myself lifted out of my chair and before I knew what I was doing I walked over to the girl, clearly upset and said, "I'm sorry for listening in but I couldn't help hearing what you were talking about and I wanted to come tell you....my birthmom was in exactly the same spot you're in right now over 27 years ago. She was going to abort me, but she changed her mom and put me up for adoption and now, because of her gift and sacrifice, I'm married with a baby on the way, I'm a doctor with a huge sphere of ministry and none of that would be possible if I had not been allowed to come into this world. So please reconsider and please give your baby a chance!" She broke down and bawled harder than I've seen many people cry. The older lady jumped up and hugged her and said, "SEE THE PEOPLE GOD IS BRINGING INTO YOUR PATH FOR THIS BABY, CAN YOU SEE IT!!" And then turned to me and said thank you as she cried as well. We gave her a card and told her to call us if she ever needed anything. I never heard from her, but I know she had that baby and I pray God uses that child as much as he's using me right now. I still get chills thinking about it.

So think about it, and practice your listening skills. Everyone has heard the addage "You've got 2 ears and one mouth so listen twice as much as you talk!" Well, that goes for God too! We pray to him every day but don't give him a chance to respond. Listen to him, and obey him, and then watch what he'll do in you and through you!!!

Lessons earned, Lessons learned...

2008-10-22T04:44:00.000-07:00

It humbles me that we serve a God who is patient enough with us to actually teach us things on a daily basis and is patient enough to lead and guide us through journeys of total discovery. Because He is God that blows me away, because He doesn't have to do that. He could just think it and we would do, and be anything He wanted us to be, but that's not His will. His will is for us to have free will and to CHOOSE Him and His lessons.
Well, I'm no less overwhelmed and overjoyed at the goodness of God after what I witnessed here with Cindy 2 nights ago (has it been that long?!? "Stop growing up so fast!!" *tear*), but He has been bringing back to mind things He taught me during her birth and things He is teaching me even now. The verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." kept coming to mind during the entire labor. That verse says so many things but I think people don't take the entire verse to heart, I know I didn't until 2 days ago. I think we get too comfortable (especially here in the states) and just read that verse as "I can do all things...." and just leave it at that because we've created a culture and a society that doesn't "need" each other. But it doesn't say that we could do all things on our own at all. It says that we can do anything we could ever imagine, or anything we couldn't ever imagine.....through CHRIST who gives us the strength to do so. When Cindy was pushing and trying to coax Harper out at the end, I felt such a piece and such an outpouring of God's grace and love because He said to me, "See, she couldn't have done this on her own...that strength you're seeing in your wife right there, that's me." So as much as I learned about how incredible my wife is, I learned how ultimately incredible my God is and how much He loves me and my family. When I held Harper after he was born and when I brought him up to Cindy's chest (that's right ladies and gentlemen, I GOT TO BIRTH MY BABY!!!), God told me that he was going to be the salve that would heal the wounds in my family, and the bridge that would cover the gap in the relationships with my parents and sister that needed healing and I'm already seeing that happen.
The bible also says that God's grace and strength is made perfect in our weakness. It was so incredible to see that when Cindy got to the point of total exhaustion and total human weakness, outloud she prayed right there in the birthing tub and said, "God, I can't do this without you, I get it now...I give you total control. Please give me the strength to have this baby." And God was faithful and he answered her simple, humble, perfect prayer of petition and submission to His glory and His will. In me He gave the ability to go over 30 hours with absolutely not one second of sleep because He knew, and I knew, and I knew that He knew that she wasn't going to be able to do this alone and that she needed every person on our team at their best with me most important of all. He gave me the physical strength to physically support her for over 18 hours actively, climbing into positions to apply pressure to her sacrum that I didn't know I could get into. But more important, He gave me the mental and spiritual strength to lead my family and take hold of the promise that God had given me months ago when He told me that He had some things to work with Cindy on during her birth but He promised she would have a perfect labor.
Those of you who know me and know what all God's been doing with me in the past 2 months know what this means, and those of you who don't know me or what I've been doing with God, you'll understand: please just say "YES!" to God, no matter what it is and no matter what it takes and no matter what He asks of you. It's worth it all. So just say "YES!"

That was the absolute most incredible 18 hours of my life!!

2008-10-20T08:51:00.001-07:00

I've been blessed to have been involved with and witness to many truly awesome events in my short 27 years....but NOTHING tops what I saw my wife do for the past 18 hours.

Cindy started into "labor" around 3:00 in the afternoon yesterday (Sunday, 10/19/2008). She wanted her mom there first so we called her and she came over and sat with us for a little while and when we clocked her contractions at around 3.45 minutes apart, we called Susan Hulet, our midwife to go ahead and come out to check Cindy to see where she was at at this point. Susan came over to the house around 6:00pm and when she checked Cindy she said she was at about a "4" so we knew we were definitely in labor, but it would probably be a little while. In the back of my mind though, I arrogantly thought it would be super quick and that would be that. Nine hours later Susan checks Cindy and she's at about a "7 or 8" she says. By this point we thought Cindy was transitioning because she was having such intense contractions so to hear that she was about an "8" was pretty frustrating. By this time we had our entire team at the birth (and had had them there several hours!). Even though Cindy did get frustrated, she birthed a beutiful, healthy 7lb 5 oz baby boy at 7:45 AM the next morning after 11 hours in active labor, 2 of those actively pushing!! His name is Harper Joseph.

Watching my wife go through that for the past 18 hours has literally changed my life forever. To watch her go through such trial, difficulty, dissapointment, pain, exhaustion, and "push" through it all to get to the other side and be the most hospitable person the entire 18 hours I could ever imagine and still have a smile on her face at the end, has made me fall in love with her all over again. Nothing I could ever say or do could ever match or top what I saw her do today. The amount of power and strength that God infused into her was so mind boggling that I'm still having a hard time sorting everything out. She went from being super confident, to totally destroyed and ready to transport, and all the way back to determined and hanging onto the promise God had made up about her birth from the beginning and persevering through to the end. At the end I literally burst into tears because I was so overwhelmed by the magnificent person that I'm blessed to call my wife. And to think, the entire time she was in labor she was only concerned about me and everyone at her birth. Wow, that's all I can really say right now because, for one, I haven't slept a wink in over 30 hours, and I just went through the most mind-boggling experience a person will ever have the blessing to go through once, let alone multiple times. So this post is to say I love Cindy Haggerton, my wife, and the mother of my son: Harper Joseph Haggerton. She blows me away in every way. Thank you God for blessing me so....

Guess Date Is Here!

2008-10-16T03:18:00.000-07:00

Silly me! Staying at home really has me confusing my days and dates. I thought yesterday was the 16th- my guess date for baby "Bit"'s arrival. But, to my surprise, when I woke up and saw my phone calendar this morning, today is the 16th- not yesterday. Haha! So when I get the dreaded question, "When's your due date?" a million times a day, I get to say, "Today" for the second day in a row. Pregnancy brain :)... Like it matters anyway- since it's NOT a due date but a "guess" date- and really it's a guess month and NOT a day (hence the reason why the question annoys me). However, not to worry, I will try to get the baby's date of birth correct once he/she arrives. I guess in that case, if I was confused on my days when he/she makes his/her arrival then that could be bad.

Psalms 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him, do not fret..."

As the end of this pregnancy has arrived, I am not feeling like most of the moms I hear from. Frankly, I feel like I could be pregnant for at least an entire more month and not mind. I love being pregnant! And, I know- sadly- that this is a precious time that I will never get back once it's gone. I feel so blessed!! However, I know that it is time to start relinquishing this season and allowing things to move forward into the next. I want Bit to have peace that he/she may arrive at any time, and we are so excited. So, I need to switch focus and concentrate on why I am excited that this pregnancy is nearing the end:

1) I am excited to know how great my birth was- that Bit and I did it! I got a text from a friend and fellow midwifery student the other night telling me to hurry up and settle down and have this baby. I asked her why and she said she was excited for me to go through labor and tell her how it really is. That cracked me up (you'd understand if you had our job)!
2) I am excited for JB to experience labor/birth firsthand- poor guy has heard years of my stories.
3) I hope this baby has some hair because I am excited to rub that soft baby fuzz hair against my cheek all day
4) I am excited for JB and I to unwrap our package- is this a boy or a girl?!
5) I am looking so forward to my herbal bath with Bit after birth
6) I am so excited to have my own birth photography by Lynsey (http://www.dfwbirthphotographer.com/)
7) I am so thankful that I get to experience and claim the Lord as my Shelter during labor/birth
8) I am excited for my family to experience normal labor/birth firsthand
9) I can NOT wait to be able to stop answering phone calls/emails/txt/questions about whether or not the baby has arrived. I am so thankful that people care so much, but... I promise we will NOT keep Bit's arrival a secret!!
10) And, finally, I am soooo excited to spend hours and hours a day relishing in the blessing of our baby- counting fingers and toes over and over again, just staring... Cherishing everyday for just like this pregnancy, it all goes by too fast!

1 Samuel 1:27 "For this child I prayed, and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of Him"

In HIS perfect timing, Bit shall be here shortly... Thank-you, Lord, that YOU have perfect timing!

November

2008-10-12T07:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.nrlpac.org/pdf/comparisonpiece.pdf

I love this comparison chart! I have been really frustrated when I hear of friends who I know are believers but yet are strongly supporting Obama in the upcoming elections. I will be the first to agree that there are a lot of things that need to change in our country; and, I can not say that I am happy with every issue the Republican party is standing for either. In fact, I am not really content with either of our options for this upcoming term. However, we can not ignore core issues, and the value of human life- or lack thereof- is a HUGE issue! How can we cry with a friend when she miscarries a baby early in pregnancy and rejoice with another when she births a healthy newborn, and yet completely ignore the fact that a candidate supports making in-utero infant murder legal?! I just do NOT get it!! Do we honestly think our just, fair God is going to be able to continue blessing and protecting our country if we allow things to keep going down this path?

Our pastor said something incredible at church last night that really stuck with me. He was addressing our country's events of this past week and how much fear they have stirred up in people. And here is what he said: We are about to elect someone to set on our country's throne, and they will be there for the next four years. And, they may even be there for four years after that. However, in 4,000 years, who will still be on His throne? God is not surprised by these events, and He is still calling you to do what He has been calling you to do. In whom do you place your trust (in the good times AND the bad)?! Remember so many of the Psalms end and begin with, "Praise Ye the Lord!"

10 new things I learned from a GREAT seminar this past weekend...

2008-10-08T13:40:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was sooo happy that baby "Bit" cooperated and allowed JB and I to make it to a seminar that we have been waiting on for several years now. It was put on by Standard Process, one of our fav nutritional companies, and taught by a Dr. Angela Hywood. Angela is from Australia, and she is amazing!! I want to download her brain. She has a fertility practice; and, she is known to get a 98% success rate with couples who have already been through the medical model w/ no success. Amazing!! This seminar was entitled, "Top 10 Female Health Conditions"; and, we attended w/ many different practitioners from all different backgrounds and fields. I was so glad several of our midwives and a patient came too. Incredible, priceless info! I always try to take away 1 thing from any seminar or class, and in my opinion, if you learn even just 1 thing it is worth it. However, this seminar was so wonderful, there was so much that we were able to walk out with and put to use immediately. Here are some of the top 10:
1) Fatigue is one of the most common female health problems
2) Average sleep needed for an adult EACH night- 8 to 8.5 hours (this is necessary and required for healing and health in general)
3) Adrenal glands affect so much of our health!! If they are not working correctly (due to stress), they can shut down ovarian function (infertility) and lead to immune system problems (yeast infections, cancer)
4) Sea Salt has 94 trace elements in it, that we know of. We should consume 1/2-1 tsp a day of it
5) Painful Menstrual Periods is the #1 reason why women in the U.S. miss work
6) Yeast loves estrogen, sugar and weak adrenal glands
7) Antidepressants down regulate the pituitary gland (make it not function properly) and thus affect hormonal function adversely
8) Fluoride and Chlorine compete w/ iodine absorption in the body
9) One of the biggest sources of radiation is flying in an airplane.
10) Radiation is scary! It fragments DNA (especially men's sperm- infertility issues and/or fetal issues), one of the best ways to combat it is by taking a bath in Epsom salt

Trust in Pregnancy and Birth? Definitely NOT the American Way...

2008-10-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

First I have to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY AWESOME MOM, I LOVE YOU & LOOK FORWARD TO CELEBRATING WITH YOU SOON!!! Sorry you had to work all day :(

Sorry this is such a long post, but I have a LOT to say on this one... Let me preface this by saying that I am not a doctor writing this and it is not meant as advice in any fashion or form, these are simply the rantings of a pregnant woman, hormonal, surprised and freakin out that any day now I will be welcoming the arrival of a precious human who will be dependent on me 24/7... And- this precious human has to make the journey out of ME, and I do not even have my entire birth kit ready or the plastic for my bed or... AHHH! So amidst all of this, this week, my precious husband and I have our first appointment with an OB/GYN. Some of you who may not know me or my paradigm are surely freakin out at this point, "What?! Only a few days left of your pregnancy and you have never seen a doctor?" I know, what a freak I am! But, before you get too carried away about what a crazy mother I am, I will say that I have seen a chiropractic doctor (who actually takes more hours of schooling than the regular MD) twice a week at least, and I have been seen by a licensed birth provider throughout my entire pregnancy. Yes, we chose to use a midwife to care for us throughout our pregnancy. And, I know I got a lot more care from her than I would have the average doctor. Considering that I saw her following a regular pregnancy schedule (just like an OB would have scheduled visits, but starting earlier in my pregnancy) and my shortest visit with her was an hour. Compare that with my friends and patients who see OBs- they usually report seeing a different provider each visit (often a nurse or different doctor than the one who will attend their birth) and that each of their visits only lasts a few minutes. I could go on and on, but this post is about my report of my doctor's visits. Everything I am ranting about is backed up by research, and not just my opinion, so feel free to request a copy of it if you so desire.
So why did we choose to visit an OB at all? Well, if you know my A-type personality, except for when it comes to cleaning/organizing my house :), you understand that should the need to transfer/transport during my pregnancy/birth arise, I do not want to meet the doctor then for the 1st time. Therefore, we chose to go in for a consult this week. Now I know first hand how my patients and friends feel when they have to stand up for their beliefs and justify themselves. It is especially not fun when you are pregnant and hormonal. As we walked to the office, I commented to JB about how much I dreaded explaining why I did not want an ultrasound or a vaginal check. We also laughed at how the doctor's face would look when he asked me why I was seeing him... See we know that normally he meets patients at this point who have problems like low iron counts, babies with positional issues, high blood pressure and so forth. Me on the other hand as his new patient: I have only gained 20 pounds, my iron levels have been rather high, my blood pressure has been 120/70 at its highest, and I have done prenatal yoga and weight class 1x/week at least. I am in better shape pregnant than when I am not; but, can you blame me- it is what I preach and do for a living! I have lots of people watching me, I better behave!!
The office was really nice, and the staff and doctor were great! However, let me tell you my problem: I am so saddened by the fact that what I saw yesterday is a better than normal version of maternity care in our nation. I have a lot of respect and appreciation for the doctor we saw yesterday. He has blessed my business and my patients with his care and support. But, he is still a medical doctor in a severely erroneous paradigm! And, had you been there you would have probably seen nothing wrong with the picture I am about to paint, unless you have had maternity care by someone other than a typical OB or have done your research thoroughly.
After the usual paperwork, the visit began with a question from the nurse before taking my blood pressure, "Have you ever had an abnormal "x" test?" To which I replied, "No." She answered, "Great!", and ran off to her desk. JB looked at me and laughed, see my "x" tests have never come back abnormal because I have never had one. Again, this is a whole other discussion for another day... Next came by blood pressure reading- done while I was talking with a digital cuff. Both of these can make the test inaccurate. My reading that day? 130/90! My complete medical records sit in my chart showing how abnormally high this is for me, but nothing is made of this. The one thing that should have been an issue was not! Oh well, taken later with a normal cuff and me relaxing, it was back to normal. Next comes our wait for the doctor. If we complained about this part, our patients would laugh at us because this is a common occurrence in my own office, one I can NOT fault this doctor for. So, we waited patiently without complaint.
Finally, in comes the doctor. The first thing he asks us is about how we got into running our birth center and how that is going. After some chit chat he comments on why I am in to see him and that hopefully I will not need him after this one visit, but that our track record has not been that great as of late as far as the birth center is concerned. Again, JB and I had a good laugh about this later... What he was referring to is that he has received a lot of referrals from us. I would not laugh about this as a bad track record. After all, midwives are supposed to care for NORMAL pregnant women. If they deviate from normal, it is our responsibility to catch this and send them out for doctor evaluation. I think the fact that we have done this routinely is a great track record! I would not want to go to another midwife who does not practice within their limits and not do this. Plus, can you even consider it a track record if we are referring out for things we have no control over? Anyhow... Then comes the doctor addressing the fact that we desire to have a homebirth. Again, take your time to freak out about how I am endangering myself and my child if you do not know me or have not done your research... He then says that if asked his opinion (which he was not because I already knew it- remember this is what he does for a living) he would tell me that hospitals are where everyone should give birth. Hospitals, after all, are the safest place to be because there are always emergencies. Well thank God He invented hospital and created medical doctors before giving us the right to procreate because after all, IT IS SOOOO FREAKIN DANGEROUS TO DO WHAT MILLIONS OF WOMEN HAVE DONE SAFELY OVER THE YEARS UP UNTIL RECENTLY!!! Again, if you want the research, just ask me, but only recently did women start seeking out hospitals/doctors for pregnancy care and birth. So we shook our heads yes that we understood. He asked if I had any questions, and when I did not, he told me he felt like he should be saying more but since there was really nothing else to cover after going over hospital procedures with us, he would listen to my baby and measure me and let me go. As he laid me down and approached my tummy, he asked me when my last ultrasound had been. I told him at 6 weeks of pregnancy. He asked me why, and I told him I had had a lot of bleeding then and the only reason we chose to do that one was to make sure the baby was okay and I had not miscarried. Then, when everything was normal, we agreed not to have anymore unless an issue came up in which we felt we needed it. The baby's heartbeat and movement, my measurements and weight have all been normal up to this point so we have not needed another one. He gave me a weird look and asked if I was still opposed to having one. I told him I was because everything was normal. Again, the research on ultrasounds is something that we rarely look at- they are not, contrary to popular belief, proven without a shadow of a doubt to be totally safe. And, like I tell my patients, it is just like our x-ray machines- I am so glad we have the technology when it's needed, but it's not something that I want to use to take fun pictures with everyday just to see. I'll be brief and just say that many inaccurate reports come back and stress moms out from ultrasounds, some research says that they cause hearing issues for the baby, cause cells to divide very rapidly (potentially increasing cancer risk) and the radiation they produce is equivalent to having 250 chest x-rays. So we were not being dumb when we chose to only have one, we had good reason! When he checked the heartbeat, it was normal. Next came the uterine measurement. This was totally different than with my midwife. She will first feel my bare belly and then take quite a bit of time measuring. This is a crucial part of maternity care! Feeling a mom's belly tells you a lot about her fluid amount, baby's position, and her growth. Doctors do not feel bellies a lot because it's not something they are routinely taught, believe it or not, and they do not put a lot of weight on this because they have ultrasound technology. Now you tell me, which is more accurate when it comes to weight and volume evaluation- feeling and holding someone or looking at a picture of them? So I moved my shirt out of the way, and I was going to let him move my pregnancy band on my pants so he could measure accurately. He quickly measured over my pants, and the tape measure was loose. Then he asked, "How big is this kid?" I replied, "Last week they estimated with palpation (feeling my belly) that the baby is at least 5.5 lbs." He looked at me with doubt and shock and said, "Really?!" I did not tell him 3 midwives had been at that particular prenatal visit and all 3 felt my belly and guessed in their heads before all saying their measurements out loud and getting the same guess. I'd say that's pretty accurate! But, with the look on his face, I said, "Why, are you measuring me smaller or thinking the baby is smaller?" He said, "What did they measure you at?" I laughed at this reply, it reminded me of someone saying, "No, I'm not telling you what I got, you go first!" So I said, they got 35.5 centimeters for 36 weeks (2 centimeters either above or below your week of pregnancy is considered normal). He then said, "Well, I got 34!" So I politely replied, "Well I am seeing my midwife this week, and if I have lost weight or measure smaller I will have an ultrasound done to make sure all is well. We then thanked him for everything and left.
All of this ranting to say, I thoroughly appreciate wonderful doctors who will even consider seeing patients who are choosing a different route of care, especially seeing them this late into the pregnancy. But, it is just SO sad that this is considered normal! Oh, we were also reminded to do kick counts all throughout the day to make sure the baby is ok. Question: Why can't moms be congratulated on having a wonderful pregnancy and taking care of themselves?! Why do we have to make them dwell in fear, waiting for something to go wrong. After all, pregnancy is NOT an illness like it is routinely treated. Thank God it is a blessing and a wonderfully normal event because were it not one of us may not be here!! Why can't we use medical doctors like firemen? If there is an emergency, I want them there, but if I used them on a routine basis for regular situations, I have a feeling there would be many more problems created out of what would have been normal. Do your research!!

Maternity Pics

2008-09-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Because of the line of work I am in, pregnancy in general has been a VERY exciting time for me to say the least. I have enjoyed it so much and feel so blessed; I can not believe it is about to come to an end and a new chapter is opening. Maternity pictures were no exception to the excitement. It was an extremely stressful day leading up to picture time, but once we finally made it (outfits, hair, and all) we had a blast. I am anxiously awaiting my order to come in so I can enjoy them all. Marquette, our photographer, posted some samples on her blog- feel free to take a look... I know, I am brave to show off my 36+ week bare prego belly. But, hey, I won't look like this forever: I know it'll be empty and saggy soon :(
Here is the link:
http://simpletreasuresphoto.typepad.com/my_weblog/2008/09/cindy-jb.html
Marquette is amazing, if you have any photography needs, please check her out!

Joining the Blog World at Last...

2008-09-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

This pregnancy has flown by, and I know by now that there is already not enough time in the day! Facebook has been a wonderful way to quickly keep up with the world, especially with our crazy work schedule. But, as I have taken maternity leave and our baby's- "Bit" (short for baby It)- arrival draws near, I have more and more people asking what has been going on and wanting to know how they are going to be notified when the big event happens. So, I have been an avid "blog stalker", but have yet to break down and start the Haggerton blogging. But, after attending my friend, Whitney's, baby shower today and hearing all the moms rant and rave about their blogs, I came home and decided there would not be a better time than the present. Here we are at 36 almost 37 weeks of preganancy, and I know with all these new milestones and memories that I will look back on these posts and wish I had done this blog business sooner. So there- here we are, the not so boring Haggertons, now easier than ever to keep up with on a daily- or not so daily depending on our schedule- basis.